Speaking of English words, WHAT IN THE HELL IS A MORTGAGE? I've heard about them ALL my life and have read about them in this awful tax class but I still have no earthly idea what the hell it is. It sounds like one of those cryptic, unsavory agreements that debtors enter in to. You know, the kind of people who don't actually own anything they buy because they're all on installment plans for the rest of their lives and will file bankruptcy if push comes to shove.