Just so this doesn't seem otherworldly cold to anybody, for anyone who wasn't on the IRC, either Laith or his bro really did pull a stunt here, and admitted to it. Faf and ZeaLitY were tipped off by the user's blow-by-blow descriptions from Laith's hospital bedside over IRC. The conversation there was literally like:
FaustWolf: Man, I hope he's okay. I have a lot of respect for him.
Laith: OMFG! He's waking up! brb
FaustWolf: *crosses fingers*
Laith: OMG! He blinked twice! Doctors are making sure he remembers where he was born!
ZeaLitY: Okay, I call BS.
Faf: Yeah I call BS. How the hell are you updating us every five seconds and be on IRC at the same time?
Laith: Wat did you say!? How could you be so heartless! You'll make Laith cry!
FaustWolf: Now, now, Laith's bro, don't worry, I believe you.
Laith: Haha, I kid.
FaustWolf: Oh snap, I got pwned.
That's the abridged version. Ah well, even if Laith gets banned or something, I'm truly glad he's okay, at the risk of sounding like I got pwned (which I did). Sorry to tea, Zephira, and everyone else who put work into this.