If I had lost Janus, but survived...

[Schala Zeal]

Something's been on my mind lately. For the past few years, I've gotten into Bandai-Namco's 'Tales of' series, and my first game of that was Tales of Berseria. The plot consists of a 16 year old girl named Velvet Crowe who is a very doting big sister to her younger brother, Laphicet. However, the world they live in is plagued by a demon curse, and one night, to call upon the gods to combat this curse, their brother in-law, Artorius Collbrande, kills Laphicet at this religious shrine. This turns Velvet from a loving, kind girl into a vengeful, cold edgelord, who is cursed to become a demon herself and who, at least initially, seeks to use anyone and anything to get revenge on Artorius, often then throwing that thing or person under the bus.

I've been drawing parallels between Velvet and Laphicet, and me and Janus: One loses his older sister and grows up to become a vengeance seeking demon, only seeing others as a means to forward that vengeance. Likewise, the other loses her younger brother and becomes afflicted by a demon curse, also only seeing others as a means to forward her vengeful agenda. However, Janus was bitter and introverted, while Velvet was a lot like me, except a bit more headstrong, not so meek.

My point is, considering this, if it had played out where Janus was lost, and I ended up in the middle ages, would I have become like Velvet and Magus all the same: losing everything I loved, only to become a brooding edgelord with a taste for vengeance who throws almost everyone else under the bus?

[Sheiken]

I don't think so.  You were in a far worse spot, and still just wanted to save everyone.  You were banished to the Darkness Beyond Time and merged with the cery monster that sent you there.  You were alone, cold, and taken over by sorrow.  But even then you created a clone of yourself and were touched by Serge's cries across time and space.  Even in the darkest of times...even when you lost yourself to the Time Devourer...deep down you remained true to who you are.  Deep down you wanted to heal the scars of this world...not destroy it.

So no, you would not be the same.  You would be crushed, devastated even.  But you would not seek vengeance, it is not in your nature.  You would endure the pain and seek to end Lavos, but not for revenge.  You would want no one to ever feel the pain that you would be feeling in that very moment...and you would do anything to prevent that.