I don't think either gender would consider such a person desirable unless they had overwhelming problems of their own.
Exactly! And you're right, it is usually the behavioral stance that actually differentiates social positions, so in this case "Alphas" and "Nice Guys" could be either Male or Female. But there is one small difference between genders:
general males (note the emphasis again) have a bad habit of going on looks before anything else, in which case a
Nice Girl, so long as she is beautiful, in first appearance she is likely to be picked over the Alpha one. Well, that's my observation at least.
I think the issue here is that the way you're talking about Alphas makes them out to be, well, interesting people with a modicum of self-possession. Alphas as I've heard them spoken of involve more than that; they are downright dominant.
Yes, I mentioned that earlier.
To be honest, the only males I know who I could unquestionably call Alphas are reviled by everybody. (Like, ahem, my boss.)
XD I mentioned that too. Usually the
stereotypical Alphas are reviled because of their lack of respect for people's feelings and social norms, but when they interact with groups they tend to cause a rift between other people's feelings and preferences, i.e.,
(note: this is just an example, don't throw a fit over it) even some decent women involved are usually torn between their emotions, or friends pondering whether they've made a right decision befriending them. He influences people with the
Live Free but at the same time enrages them. Think about it: keeping a faked smile for an eternity might be tiresome, aye? Just a concept, consider it.
But when talking about "your boss" there's another thing in play. It is because certain dominant fellows who let themselves go and behave badly towards their underlings they're reviled for their misuse of authority,
but the funny thing is that if we switched places we're likely to do the same (again, note the emphasis). Read the wiki. I'll explain if you've got questions.
For instance, in the period of infamy where I had a lot of trouble with these Nice Guy fellows, I began dating my boyfriend. They immediately accused me of liking Alphas/jerks because he can be socially extroverted, he's into punk rock, loves mosh pits, and, well, gets a lot of injuries (he's... adventurous, and sometimes a dumbass-- part of why I like him!). This despite the fact that he is ultimately an introverted touchy-feeling poet sort who cried when he looked at a statue of Cupid and Psyche with me and quotes John Keats and talks about his feeeeeeeeelings and so forth (not to mention he's 5'7" and 128 lbs-- Serge's stats, by the way, make for a ridiculously skinny and non-imposing guy).
Now here's the thing: likes and dislikes don't define an Alpha, but they usually do define about the characteristics of a nice guy. From what I understand, your boyfriend is both a
baby and adventurous at the same time, which puts him into a Nice Guy category (but a little over there), though definitively not stereotypically. Despite his sentimentality he is bold to enjoy what he does and (from what I understand) mingle with you and his buddies, so there's really nothing wrong with that.
He's an interesting nice guy who isn't afraid to socialize.
Have you felt, as a male, in predominantly male social situations, that the Alpha Male idea makes sense? Are there males who typically dominate whatever social situation they find themselves in? I suspect the answer is yes, but I'm curious as to what this person talks and acts like.
Indeed, it does! But moving away from stereotypes, there are a lot of factors that can make a male or female an Alpha (in this case Males since you were interested) and there is a reason why they find themselves to be so popular in the first place. The
key is not only dominance, but also feeling for the group and not just yourself, and in this case it doesn't have to be aggressive. In most modern social circles today, the battle is won not via fists or assholery, but to see who gains the most respect and attention.
See, I've met a few people from Glasgow some years back, among which one was "The Light of Group" while another could be termed as an Alpha. William had the traits of a nice guy at the surface and was a gentleman, but kept a keen eye on the group, always analyzing his situations and where to exploit. He wasn't attention hungry, but he did enjoy being intimately involved with groups no matter where he went, which concluded in him becoming an Alpha. What drove him to that position was his nature of mingling with everyone, the hilarity in his speech and ideas, boldness of befriending strangers, being open to social changes and always going for what he considered
fun. He respected his peers and offered hospitality to even his enemies, always in control. The prize? He somehow always got to take a girl (usually a stranger) home with him, once couple of weeks.
What was interesting to note was his act of revenge when he
did snap: apparently later he joined a company where some of his co-workers played pranks on him (and horrid ones at that). All the while he retained his cool and etiquette, but they persisted, going so far as wrecking his car. His revenge? He slept with the guy's girlfriend and the poor fellow could hardly do anything about it, let alone play another prank.
Another instance of Alpha dominance is this, which fairly applies to every one of our environments: in my friend circle we have many kinds of people, including one who seems like the William kind I explained above, a playboy who never misses his mark. But even so, the reason he isn't considered an Alpha is because he has no way of actually motivating and leading the group besides monetary fancies, like treating us at an expensive place. No, the
real Alpha in our group is in fact the biggest
geek we know. Despite his looks and tastes, what makes him lovable is actually his friendliness, his love for comedy and puns, adventure and exploration of trying interesting things and often leading the whole group to a land of mystery and insanity (and believe it or not, we
love the shit!) He even has the privilege of mocking you, and what you love and hold dear. Despite all that, you
still love the guy. He's a four eyed, know-it-all nerd who simply found the path to Enlightenment. XD
