fan fic i decided to make rate it please ^_^

[Chronofan]

((ummm ok thanks and ummm heres chapter 3))
Jenna Chapter3: Future

Jenna sighed and stared outside it was freezing cold she had lost touch with chu ever since that portal incident. She was in a dome and she was in what seemed to be the future she wasnt to sure what had happened but she was soon going to travel to another dome to try and help the people there she packed up her stuff and said goodbye to the current people in the dome. Jenna held her staff and started to walk thru the ruins which was filled with monsters.  The only reason she made it past was because of the staff she found

"oh chu where could you be... i blame you for being in this place" Jenna said as her tone went from cheerful to sadness

Jenna jumped a weird rat monster jumped out at her. She sighed and started to run at it she smacked it aside and scampered and ran away.  Jenna continued towards the dome she was surrounded by people she decided she would stay here for a few days and then head back to the other dome she prayed that maybe chu would pass by here...

Chapter3 end

((sorry that this chapter is short but its only based on jenna to see whats happening with her while chu is with the other gang))

[Kazuki]

There are run on sentences. They should have probably been two sentences, or at the very least separated by a semi colon.

Same problems as last time...

[Chronofan]

((im  sorry ill try to fix it this time))

Chapter 4 The escape

Chu,Marle, and Crono walked into the castle and sighed

"we finally made it! jeez it sure took forever" Chu said staring around the big castle.

"Yeah marle i cant belive you live in this big castle..."

"yeah well it isnt very fun...." Marle said staring at the ground.

"princess! your safe so your the two idiots who kidnapped the princess!!"???? Said.

"WHAT!!!" Crono,Marle,and Chu saidnas they stared at the man

"Chancellor are you crazy these two saved me!" Marle yelled.

"Guards grab them they shall be given a trial!" the chancellor yelled

The guards pushed by marle and tackled crono and chu to the ground taking them away.

"Crono Chu! nooo leave them alone!" Marle yelled

But her screams were ignore chu and crono were draged into the court room.The judge stared at them and sighed

"Are they the ones chancellor" The judge asked

"Yes they kidnapped the princess" The chancellor said

"no we didnt!!" Chu said

"Actually from what i heard from crono it was all a accident" Said a Pierre

"Is this true did marle start this?" the chancellor asked.

"Well we kinda bumped into each other" Crono said

"From there you two headed to luccas little show in which you dissapiered"

"actually that wa-" Crono didnt even get to  finish

"Did her ransom money interest you or this boy"

"off course not!" Crono and chu said at the same time

"well lets settle this those who say not guilty go to left guilty go to right"The chancellor said

Seven of the people went left only one went to the right.

"They are not guilty but the fact that crono and chu ran away with the princess still remains they are sentence 3 days confined in jail take them away!"The judge said

"no thats not faaair!" the guards draged them away

"no wait a darn minute!" marle yelled

"princess please stop meddling" The Chanccelor said.

The chancellor took them down to a man

"put these two in a cell after the 3 days are done send them to there death"

"but sir it sa-" "look those papers are wrong no take them away!"

"Hey you lia-" chu got punched in the stomach and hit the floor

"hey you punks back of-" crono also got hit the guards dragged them off...
***
Chu woke up and stared around he walked to crono and shook him.

"Crono wake up come on we have to escape!" Chu said shoving crono

"im up im up..." Crono yawned softly

Chu stared around  looking for a way out but there wasnt any way

"come on crono we need to get out how can we get out..."

"calm down chu i have a plan"

Crono started to make wild crazy nose the guard told him to hush up. Crono continued to make the noises until finally the guard came in.

"you punk now your gonna get it" The guard slashed crono.

Crono hit the ground and groaned

"Crono!"

"dont worry run for the exit!"

Chu and Crono ran to the exit and past the guards

"Come on chu we have a long way till we get out are you ready?"

"Anytime crono"

The two boys ran off...
***
Lucca slamed the monsters in guardia forest and made her way to guardia castle

"Dont worry chu,crono im coming to save you...

Chapter 4 END

[Gaara]

Its still good and its way better grammer...

[Chronofan]

((thanks gaara coming from you it makes me happy ^_^ by the way i like your story))

Chapter5 A sad fate And an even sadder future

Crono and chu slashed there ways thru guard trying to escape.  They made there way up some stairs  running faster and faster.  Just then Crono and chu bumped right into lucca

"Lucca?" Crono said looking at her confused

"Lucca you came to save us !" Chu said

"Off course i did come on we have to get out of here!"Lucca shouted

Now that two went up to three it made it easier to break thru the guards

"were almost there we just have to cross this bridge and well make it to the main hall" Lucca shouted.

Lucca stoped all of a sudden crono and chu bumped right into her.

"Lucca why did you stop?" Chu asked

Chu stared and saw what made lucca stop a giant robot dragon started to move right towards them.

"oh my..." Chu,Crono,And Lucca moved back

"Muhahahaha you will never escape kill them kill them all!!!"

The dragon rushed at crono,lucca,and chu they screamed and jumped back. Crono jumped on top of the robot and slashed furiously at the back.
Lucca tried to burn thru the head using her flame thrower. Chu slashed at the wheel trying to break it to stop it from running them over. Lucca finally succeded making the  head explode. Crono destroyed the back  making the missiles that were about to be shot explode. Chu slashed the weel off as it fell of the bridge.

"we did it! come on lets go" Chu said as he started to walk past the robot

"Chu noooo!" Lucca screamed but it was too late

The machine exploded chu screamed as the landing below him collapsed he fell down.

"CHU!!" Lucca and Crono shouted

But chu was nowhere insight....
***

"Chu... i cant belive he..." Crono stared down

"Come on we have to escape..."

"there they are get them!"The guards shouted

"oh no run!!" Lucca said

"STOP" Marle yelled as she walked down the stairs

"leave them alone" Marle said

"yes princess!"

"Dont listen to her who would you brather listen her or the king!"The chancellor said

"Father!"

"marle how dare you disobey me i command you to go back to your room!" The king said walking down

" No i hate you i despise you im out of here come on you guys!"

Marle lucca and crono walked out

"marle...."
***
Marle,Crono,And Lucca ran down the forest path. Crono explained everything to marle he could see a tear roll down marles face.

"Marle... were not sure if hes dead..." Crono said softly

"Crono no one could survive a fall like that..."

The group stayed shut they finally reached a dead end...

"I guess this is it..." Crono said

"No wait look a gate!" Marle said

"But marle we dont know where it might take us!"

"Who cares this place stinks anyway..."

With that lucca used the gate key and the three teenagers jumped into the gate...
***
Lucca,Marle,And Crono woke up and stared around.

"where are we..." Marle said rubbing her eyes

"im not sure but looking at this stuff it looks like the future" Lucca said

"Come on lets look around" Crono said

"i wonder what happened to the future to make it this... sad"

Just then a girl ran in "Chu!? oh sorry i thought you were..."

"You know... chu? how is that possible!" Lucca said

"Who exacly are you..." Crono asked

"im jenna... im a friend of chu..."

Chapter5 End

[Gaara]

Storyline is still good and grmmer keep it up!  

by the way thanks!

[Kazuki]

Grammar has improved, so now possibly you can focus on improving punctuation and working on the literacy.

If you plan to submit this when completed, it would be in good sense to do a complete read through and edit. Once again, if when you're done you'd like an editor I'm willing.

Regardless of who does it, just make sure it's editted.

Otherwise, the story is pretty good. One thing to be wary of is to not make "Chu" into an overpowered MarySue (if you're not sure of the fanfiction term, look it up somewhere).

[Gaara]

Same Here...

[Chronofan]

((i think i know what you mean... but anyways guys my internet is going off so i dont know when ill get the next chapter up sorry -_-))

[Chronofan]

oh kaz would you edit it for me? that would be really nice ^_^

[Kazuki]

Send me chapters via email before you post them, and I'll point out suggestions and correct basic spelling errors 'n stuff. I have school, so my schedule will be erratic, but I'll try to be as active as I can. Note that also I WON'T be fixing EVERYTHING, but I'll lead you to ways where you CAN fix it. Similar to the proverb "Catch a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach the man how to fish, and he eats forever."  

[Gaara]

Well said!  

[Chronofan]

ok thanks but i also have school so it might be hard to write some chapters can you send me your email address and stop with all these saying ! 0_0 im still trying to figure out what the mary sue thing means lol

[Chronofan]

(heres chapter 6 by the way naruto finally started here! yay!  by the way i was thinking about adding something called sub chapters which are like side quest chapters i wanna do one for sept 11 even do it passed^_^ the first one is based on what chu is at while the others are talking to jenna also i might do one on flight 93))

SideStory Chapter1: Twin Towers....

Chu woke up and stared around crono,lucca,and marle werent there.He stared around and saw that it seemed to be his time before he blacked out he did see a weird looking gate. He finally new where he was at... new york.

"i wonder what year this is..." Chu said as he walked down a street he walked towards and man

"um hi sorry to bother you but what day month and year is this?"

"well little boy its weird you dont know but its september 11th 2001"

A quick gasp escaped chus mouth the year the twin towers...fell maybe he could change time and tell everyone to leave! It was worth a try. Chu quickly ran as fast as he could to the towers he couldnt remeber exacly what time the towers fell.He reached the tower and ran to the front desk\

"Miss please you have to evacuate everyone out of here a plane is headed for this tower!"Chu yelled

"Um.... im sorry but you must be insane how can a plane be headed here? look im going to have to ask you to leave please unless you want me to get security..."

"please listen to me!"

"ok ok talk" The woman said secretly pushing a buttont to summon security

Chu started explaining and then noticed the security heading for him he looked back at the woman.

"no please please listen to me theres a plane headed here please..."

"take him away security"

Chu screamed trying to convince the woman only to find the guards quickly stopped screams where heard from outside then a big bang

"no!!!!" chu screamed he ran outside and saw a big hole thru the tower he felt warm tears form in his eyes.

He hit the floor softly

"i couldve stoped it..... i i...." He choked and he couldnt hold the tears he let them run down his face.  Then he heard another bang the other tower was hit he saw people jump out and hit the floor.  How could someone be so cruel and do this to eachother it wasnt right. Chu wiped his tears and walked away as the towers fell people pushed by him running. Chu went to where he woke up the weird looking portal was there. He walked thru it and cried he felt himself black out.

SideStory Chapter 1 End

(jeez this almost made me cry...)

[Chronofan]

((by the way that wasnt chapter 6 lol im giving that maybe in a few days)