Except that people base their expecations on the you they percieve. By allowing the deception to continue, all you are doing is setting you and the other person up for a fall that will come later, so that you can feed your ego now. It's dishonest, cruel, and ultimately benefits no one. If you want to manipulate people for your own personal gain, that's your buisneuss, but you cannot base a personal relationship of any sort on lies.
Dreamer, you're adorable! If only life were as straightforward as that, eh?
While it may be a bit of an over simplification, it's basically true. This is the voice of experience talking, not some lofty philosophical idea. I've been in both places, and I know what I'm talking about.
I do not blame you for being naïve to the pragmatic depth of our world. To truly embrace such an understanding without becoming a cynic requires a Machiavellian audacity that would overwhelm most people's integrity. Not to imply that such a fate would befall you--you're one of the most respectable people on the whole Compendium--but that perhaps it is a mountain steep enough that you do not wish to climb it, or have never even thought to look high enough to see its rewarding peak.
Let me put it in words you already know, so that I am not telling you anything new, but merely repeating wisdom that is already your own: Life is not a fairytale. We do not all live happily ever after. Justice is seldom served. People are cunning, and passionate, and this puts them into conflict with one another regardless of their intentions. There is no such thing as good behavior, for the term implies that a behavior can be judged outside of its context, and this is an absurdity that few people bother to appreciate. Instead, I offer the real truth: We can only act in accordance with our convictions, or against them.
This places the emphasis on becoming creatures of good character. If random acts of "good behavior" are no longer our moral god, then we must turn to the more difficult work of evaluating our motives. Suddenly we are revealed to live in a world where ends and means are indistinguishable. We see that life has no chapter breaks, no punctuations. The story continues on. And therefore if we are going to be sincere in our passions, and humble in our capacity for ignorance, then we must act in our own interest with the confidence of knowing that we are acting true to ourselves. So goes the continuation of life as we know it.
With that logical framework in place, it is simply a matter of looking at the dilemma and choosing the better alternative. To the extent that our convictions are noble, we must always seek to empower ourselves. And to the extent that our species is noble, we
still must always seek to empower ourselves, counting on humanity's innate goodness--its penchant for discovery, for imagination, its indomitable drive--to overwhelm the corruption of those whose intentions are not noble after all. This is manifest in everything from the rule of law to the common courtesies.
Which, then, is the more empowering? I say that to gain the favor and trust and love and respect of others is surely superior to the alternative, which invites their ire and suspicion and hatred and contempt. There are certainly exceptions where the latter is preferable, but the general rule seems almost painfully obvious: If we are made to choose between these two extremes--as the original quote under discussion indeed compelled us to do--we must choose people's love.
In a surprising way, it hardly matters if that love is well-founded or not.
Someone might say that ill-gotten love is going to collapse in on itself like a house of cards--indeed, that is one of the two main objections that you and others have raised thus far. But I say this is an extraneous factor in the equation. If choosing people's love over their hate is amended with the condition that this love, simply by its virtue of being misguided, is doomed to fail, then there is no dilemma after all: On one hand we have people's contempt, and on the other hand we have the same. But if the love is
sustainable, then we should choose it, and maintain it as necessary.
Indeed, Radical_Dreamer, the case you are proposing is less interesting than the case I am proposing. Supposing that this love
can be extended indefinitely, that it will not fail simply because it is misguided, then perhaps you can better understand my position. Garnering the love of the people is just a tactic. It serves us. It serves us individually. It serves us all.
Is this to the detriment of those who give you their love?
That depends on who you are. But I like to think, opposite the Christians, that ours is not quite so miserable a species, and that we continue to grow over time. And I tell you this, in absolute frankness: It is this very mechanism which I have described, that allows leaders to lead. If ordinary people understood that their leaders were answerable to the pragmatic concerns of the real world, rather than ideology alone, they would the lot of them be up in arms.
=)
I do agree with RD, here. I've been in situations where I started getting positive attention and "love" because of something that was false or misunderstood. Before I realized the nature of what people loved about me, sure, the feeling of being loved was indeed fantastic. But once I realized the truth, it ate at me like those nasty worm-leeches in King Kong.
Radical_ Dreamer made the best case for the first major objection I have seen; you make the best case for the second (and final) such objection. However, this one is easily refuted. Follow along, if you will:
As I mentioned before, we mustn't let issues of self-confidence overwhelm our zeal to make good choices. I recognize how hard this can be to live out in practice, but it nevertheless remains true. If people give you their love for a false reason, and you are uncomfortable with that, such that you feel unable to continue in the deception, then that is a character flaw: something to be repaired!
In life we are often faced with being unpopular. But, contrary to popular opinion, social validation will not make you complete. (I believe that was a quote in my list earlier in this topic.) If we submit our decision-making authority to our fear of being unpopular, we surrender our identity to the void. Do not do it!
