Muck-A-Wish Foundation

[Paradox]

You do not wish for anything so you do not get anything.  Sucks To Be You STBY.  
I wish I had a drivers licence and a car.

But you'd never drive it because you're too lazy, which can be seen since you can't even take the time to register/log in.

I wish for pie!

[Lordchander]

But the pie turns out to have food poisoning in it, so u eat it and it kills u

I wish I could kill innocent people by winking at them...

[JossiRossi]

The night you gain these powers, you decide you're going to test them out at the local disco. You successfully avoid commiting any acts of wink death before what you think will be a "grand night out". You dress fancy and as you are getting ready you look into the mirror to see your well dressed self, out of habit you wink at your own image, thus killing yourself.

I wish I had a newer computer.

[Tonjevic]

unfortunately, the computer you get, being from six thousand years in the future, has a concious mind and a cordial dislike of anything living (due to slave-like treatment at the hands of his former master). He rapidly grabs all the machinery in your garage using super magnets and goe on a rampage. Bein gunable to stop him, you become a recluse and hide away in the frozen tundra of alaska.

I wish I had a NintendoOn set.

[Paradox]

But the NintendoOn set eventually disrupts your sense of reality via its impossibly cool visor thingie which causes you to run outside in the belief you're playing the sequel to SSBM. You then, thinking you're link throwing a bomb, when in fact you're throwing a basketball to an incredibly badly placed Kobe B. who takes this as a challenge and beats you so badly at hoops that you develop a basketball shaped tumour and seven months die a horrific yet highly entertaining death.

I wish that it was backwards day.

[Anonymous]

But since it is backwards day you never wished that it was backwards day thus you never wished.

I wish I had The Chrono Trigger Ressurection Game.

[Lordchander]

But because the full game doesnt exist you get really pissed off and go jump off the Grand Canyon.

I wish I had my own tropical island in the middle of Pacific Ocean

[LadyShiva]

But it is also home to a giant volcano and some stereotypical not-so-friendly natives. They capture you and sacrifice your virgin body to the fire god. On the plus side the volcano is pleased with the sacrifice, and continues to not erupt for some time to come. The natives live happily ever after.

 I wish I had a turkey sandwich.
~

[Burning Zeppelin]

I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkies, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!!

I wish Gray Lensman came here and did to this what he did yo my thread  

[Anonymous]

but he is too nice to do that!

I wish i had some root beer

[Burning Zeppelin]

But beer is the root of all evil!

I wish my great great grandpa was alive...

[SilentMartyr]

Your great grandpa comes out from his grave in zombie form and tries to gnaw on your neck, thus you must kill him and have to live with the fact that you killed your great grandpa.

I wish I had a car.

[DUDE71]

You have taken your new car out for a spin and some jerk pulls out in front of you, you give him the finger (being the punk that you are) and lose control of the wheel.  You Crash your car and get sued for killing 3 people in the other car.  You become so poor you begin to live on the streets.  You claim bankrupcy but no one believes that you need it.  You die due to starvation 2 months later.  

I wish I was a billionaire.

[Paradox]

But your billions of dollars bring you no real happiness and you simply last out your days, surrounded in your pointless possessions that can't fill that void in your heart. So you go out in search of a soul mate but soon realize every woman you meet is out for your money, or even the ones you believe aren’t you cannot be sure of, which leads to an extreme level of paranoia. Eventually, from this, you develop several extremely self-destructive phobias that eventually lead you to, like all great billionaires, die in a hypo-allergenic germ-proof bubble with a huge long beard and tissue boxes on your feet.

I wish that I had a better avatar.

[Tonjevic]

Your wish will become true if I can find some inspiration, or you name something for me to make... I will happpily make you one. Until then:

The recoloured guru comes out and kills you for renouncing him.

I wish I had a nice signature.