As an English Major reading this story, I can't help but do this:
My favorite lines:
This is my first story I’ve written. I hope you enjoy it...
This is perhaps the quickest way to put this guy's story into the circular file.
The year is 1005. It has been 5 years since Crono and his friends went through time to stop Lavos. This is what happens after the destruction of Lavos...
This is narrative intrusion up the wazoo! What, you don't think fans of CT wouldn't know this already? This is just insulting.
"Crono! Crono! Where are you Crono?" "Marle! I told you not to bother me!" "Oh come on! The fireworks have started!" *BOOM* *BOOM* "Oh man." Crono leaves his house towards Guardia Forest. He is attacked by some monsters.
With its impersonal narrative substance, improper formatting, and tedious dialogue, this just screams “I’m a beginning writer!”
A gate opens up. Crono, Marle, and Lucca pop out. "When are we?" "And where are we?" "Luckily I invented a new machine that can tell us when and where we are." "Lucca, what would I do without you?" "Come on, check the machine." "Give me a second, I need a power source." The trio finds a power source. .
A blatant Deus ex Machina! What’s not to like about it?
Crono touches the statue and is shocked. "Crono!" Crono is thrown out of the temple. "Where did Crono land?" "Let’s look outside."
In this order: Who said that? Outside of the temple, and Duh!
Marle and Lucca step outside to see Crono surrounded by a band of thieves. "Crono!" The thieves look up to see Marle and Lucca. The thieves start speaking another language. "Aiwoemnrnfuvjanwioeu." "Awoienjnviuiqjklqkjl?" The thieves run off dropping a glowing dagger.
Apparently, this author has streamlined grammar, syntax, roots, vocalizations, and foreign influence into his artificial language. All he had to do was pound the keyboard and say, “The thieves spoke like this!” Do you hear that? It’s the sound of J.R.R. Tolkien spinning in his grave.
"Lucca, check the machine and see if you can track them down." "The thieves have headed north to the Northern Truce Dome." "Truce Dome?" "Let’s go to Northern Truce Dome!"
Five years of R&D into a plot device has done wonders for genius inventor Lucca. Also, I didn’t know there was more than one Truce Dome. Did you? But I guess it makes sense to call it the Northern Truce Dome since its "north" of where they are.
*What will happen to Crono, Marle, and Lucca? Will they get the Gate Key back? Will they find out where all of the monsters are coming from? Find out in the next story.*
Cliffhangers are a breeze for this guy since he didn’t invest much effort in the first story. Maybe he’ll improve the next time around. If not, please post the sequel (if there is one). As a fiction writer myself, I just love deconstructing stories.
