But dear, you ARE an emochild.
Not until you say "if it comes from you, anything will do". But, as now I know that the only reason you would say it is because I said "Not until you say 'if it comes from you, anything will do'", crying like an emo child is certain not to happen.
Actually the correct phrase would be: 'In soviet russia, you give present to me!'
You just killed the Russian Reversal and all it represents to mankind's history and culture. You spit on the Soviets' legacy with your xenophobic and genocidal attempts. Mother Russia's revenge shall be swift and merciless.
Au contrare, my dear hastings. You are a poorly disguised emo-child, whatever other poorly contrived sewer rats you may be composed of.
Only provided Mother Russia has great taste in chicken pies. If not then my wedding present to you will be a small Swedish man named Boris who wears a tutu and has never kissed a girl before meeting you. You are so beautifully seductive that even small Swedish men love you and would like you to be present at the annual fry cook festival in Berlin where they will shower you in pansies and earwigs, and that is without a single mention of "gnats", "pants" or "fittingly sized cucumbers".
And I severely doubt that Mother Russia has great taste in chicken pies- indeed, if she did then she would be the product of a long-spanning empire of laundry. But, as they say in Soviet Russia- "the long spanning laundry of empire would be the product of YOU".