Santa killed sombody! 
Sombody needs to stop him and his sidekick elves.
The should walk the plank.
You seemed shocked. Well, are you sitting down? Because if that surprised you you should be ready for what I'm about to say.
Santa has killed many in his years as a drug runner. Hell, his reign started with murder. Does the name Saint Nicholas ring a bell? Many mistake him as being the same person as Santa Claus, but such is not the case. Saint Nick was Santa before Santa existed. He would break his back delivering presents to children around the world for the sorry gift of more cookies and milk than one person can possible consume. Angry with the thankless masses, he devised a way to get back at them and get a little for himself at the same time; he created the Tweaks, a group of children devoted to cooking methamphetamine in the basement floors of his workshop. Ole Saint Nick would then distribute this harmful drug while riding his sleigh on christmas eve, whether the recipients be child or adult, sometimes even hidden in the toys of the youth. The children making the meth in his workshop would ingest it, which stunted their growth, creating the little known race of humans known as oompa loompas. This business continued for many years.
Santa Claus was a business associate of Saint Nick's in the beginning. He would distribute to eastern europe, asia, north africa and the middle east, while not-so-saint nick would take the rest. Eventually Santa grew tired of riding bitch, though, and plotted a take over of the business. He secretly founded a facility in South America devoted to harvesting cocaine. Like Saint Nick he used children to harvest the drugs, and they too ingested them, stunting their growth and creating a race entirely different, and much more efficient, than Saint Nick's oompa loompas. These were the first elves. On December 24, 1935, when Saint Nick's workshop was frenzied with the last minute rush, they were attacked by Santa and his elves full force. Caught off guard, Nicks army of oompa loompas was no match for the superior might of the elves. They were driven to the deepest depths of Africa, where they founded Loompaland. Nick was executed and Santa began his bloody reign.
Who do you think killed Kennedy? How could Amelia Airheart just disappear? To find the answer, one must only look to the crystalline sky on Christmas Eve...
Wow, I'm bored.
