I still have not found a job. I've applied to pretty much every place I can think of in this area, but no fruition. Absolutely nothing. Not that I am surprised by that, but my student loan bill due in 22 days is for $70, which I don't have. Not even close. I only have $29. There is no way I am going to be able to find a job, get a paycheck, and be able to have enough money by the 28th. I am so scared that I am going to go into debt, that I will have to leave the apartment because I cannot help with electricity or food, and there is only so much D can help me with, since he is the only one paying rent and he is the only one who can afford to buy food. And then there are the medications I have to take every day both for my mental health and my physical health, which cost so much since I do not have good insurance. And the hospital bills that I still have not been able to pay off.
I am really, really frightened. I cannot afford my meds, and if I do not take them I will become very ill and will end up in the hospital. And I cannot, cannot afford to go to the hospital again.
Is it a horrible thing to say that I am glad it is my birthday soon so that maybe people will send me money instead of gifts? I'd rather it be for my birthday than asking for any kind of handout. At least that is a better excuse to give someone money...right?
I feel so shitty for saying that.