The $%*! frustration thread

[Shee]

Just got flaked on again by a different layday for lunch.  Seriously?

Seriously?


Seriously?
 


Saj - head up!  hope it works out!

[Syna]

Adding to Faust's suggestion: another possibility might be Smartthinking, which is another online tutoring service deal. To cobble together some money, you could always try freelancing too? Elance, guru, and craigslist are the sources I usually use for that.

[Boo the Gentleman Caller]

Saj, could you sell plasma or blood? I know that isn't optimal, but it has helped me out in a pinch. Your medication may make you unqualified, however... In many places you can make $50+ per week selling plasma.

[Mr Bekkler]

Girl wants to just be friends. Story of my life.

[Manly Man]

Don't wanna sound demoralizing or whatever, but I've never had a real problem with that. If they just wanna be friends, I don't push it until they offer me something, and drop any efforts that would say otherwise. Since women tend to be the ones who define the 'yay' or 'nay' of a relationship mist often, if they don't want to go out with me, I still at least try to be friends.

Look at the bright side though, Bekkler. If she's a friend, try to make her as best of a friend as you can. Better to have someone who's not so close as to be a lover but is still positively inclinde towards you than someone who shares a bed but is nothing but irritating. Besides, this gives you a chance to try and find another, and look deeper into yourself to think more about what you want in someone than what you know right now.

[Sajainta]

Saj, could you sell plasma or blood? I know that isn't optimal, but it has helped me out in a pinch. Your medication may make you unqualified, however... In many places you can make $50+ per week selling plasma.

Unfortunately, I cannot donate blood.  =/  I would love to, even if I wasn't given any money.  I've tried, but it usually goes like this.

Nurse-person (reading the form I filled out):  "...So you lived in the UK during Mad Cow Disease?"
Me:  "Yes."
Nurse-person:  "And you lived in the Philippines for most of your life?"
Me:  "Yes."
Nurse-person:  "And you had malaria at one point?"
Me:  "...Yes."
Nurse-person:  "And you're anemic?"
Me:  "...Yes."
Nurse-person:  "Okay, go home."

I don't know if those things would come up if I tried to donate plasma though, so I'll look into it.  Thanks for the suggestion!

Don't wanna sound demoralizing or whatever, but I've never had a real problem with that. If they just wanna be friends, I don't push it until they offer me something, and drop any efforts that would say otherwise. Since women tend to be the ones who define the 'yay' or 'nay' of a relationship mist often, if they don't want to go out with me, I still at least try to be friends.

Look at the bright side though, Bekkler. If she's a friend, try to make her as best of a friend as you can. Better to have someone who's not so close as to be a lover but is still positively inclinde towards you than someone who shares a bed but is nothing but irritating. Besides, this gives you a chance to try and find another, and look deeper into yourself to think more about what you want in someone than what you know right now.

Still.  It always hurts to have that "just friends" thing happen to you.  I've had it happen, and it sucks.  Not to mention that, for me, it would be seriously awkward to try and be good friends with someone if they knew I liked them.  It would really hurt knowing that they don't like you in that way, and it would hurt even more if they started to show interest in someone else.  I'd rather have a good friend than a shitty relationship too, but I don't know if I would want to be friends with someone with all of that awkwardness and (one-sided) sexual tension.  I've tried to do that "just friends" thing before, and it didn't end well.

[Mr Bekkler]

She was just sending mixed signals and we have some mutual friends who are dating and they were egging me on, thought I had a chance for a minute, but she's not interested. Honestly it's better to know than to just be stuck in that limbo of wondering. Not that bad in the long run, but it is frustrating.

The problem I keep running into is girls who are interested don't say they are, and girls who aren't won't say they aren't. Not until after plans are made and time has gone by. If a girl asks me out and I don't want to go, I don't say yes and give them my phone number. 

[Sajainta]

The problem I keep running into is girls who are interested don't say they are, and girls who aren't won't say they aren't. Not until after plans are made and time has gone by. If a girl asks me out and I don't want to go, I don't say yes and give them my phone number. 

I've always found that incredibly irritating.  Not to bash my own gender, but most of the women I know have that mindset and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.  At least with men, it seems for the most part they're pretty upfront about whether or not they like you (or at least, that's what I've experienced).  I don't know what it is about the women I've known who aren't honest about their feelings.  Fear?  Self-consciousness?  Worried they'll be seen as "too manly" if they ask a guy out, or be seen as a bitch if they turn someone down?

Don't get me wrong, I've felt every single one of those things (sans the last one--I've never accepted a date from someone I didn't like), but is it so weird to ask a guy out?  If they aren't a douche and that kind of thing doesn't bother them, then what's the big deal?  I know there's this stupid idea that only men should ask women out but come ON.  There's no basis in logic for that.  Hell, I'm the one who initiated my current relationship.  D and I were friends, and I asked him out.

Huh.  I guess that's a question for people (since the majority of the people on here are men).  Would it be weird to you if a woman asked you out?

Aaaaaand that just turned into my own rant.  Sorry about that.

[Mr Bekkler]

Girls asking guys out is awesome. Unfortunately, it's also pretty rare.

[Manly Man]

My first three girlfriends and one boyfriend asked me out first. Huh.

Now that I think about it, I'm probably not the first person to look for when it comes to relationship advice, since it seems everything's kinda backwards on my part. Well, there's another thing that irritates me, not being much help when I'd like.

[Syna]

I am all for girls asking guys out, but social conditioning does come in handy - boys are 'trained' to do it, or at least get a lot of experience, and as a chick I just don't know how to pull it off very well. I've had to try because I'm bisexual, and I pretty much failed until I had some guy friends coach me on it. I guess I have sympathy for both involved - having to ask people out sucks, but it also sucks to be sitting around waiting for someone to chance by because you're socialized to be passive.  

And Bekkler, that sucks too. 

Augh, this discussion is making me remember my naive early-college days, in which I sent a lot of mixed signals, apparently :/ To me they weren't mixed and I was just being nice and expressing enthusiasm for friendship, but I didn't realize that a lot of the outings to restaurants and cafes were considered dates by the boys involved and lots of messiness ensued as a result. Stupid atypical high school socialization.

[Sajainta]

That happened / still happens a lot to me too.  -__-  I'm a strange person when it comes to friendship.  I hate small talk and I jump right in and ask deep questions on the first or second time I hang out with someone new.  That first "Hi, I'm Saj" frequently turns into six or seven or eight hour long conversations all on that first day, and a lot of people assume that kind of interest in a close friendship means I like them.  It's troubling when people assume that since you want to be close with someone you automatically like them.  Can't I just be interested in another human being without wanting to fuck them?

[Mr Bekkler]

That happened / still happens a lot to me too.  -__-  I'm a strange person when it comes to friendship.  I hate small talk and I jump right in and ask deep questions on the first or second time I hang out with someone new.  That first "Hi, I'm Saj" frequently turns into six or seven or eight hour long conversations all on that first day, and a lot of people assume that kind of interest in a close friendship means I like them.  It's troubling when people assume that since you want to be close with someone you automatically like them.  Can't I just be interested in another human being without wanting to fuck them?

The best thing you can do is mention your boyfriend almost immediately. Holding back the fact that you're taken implies that you want the other party to like you and you aren't sure they will if they know. Which leads to the "she wants me" mindset. By that time, mentioning your significant other is seen from the guy's point of view as some obstacle that can be "taken care of later". The sooner you make it clear that you're not lookin for lovin, the better for the potential friendship.

Keep in mind I don't mean stop a regular, innocent conversation to say "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND." But if the person starts to flirt, compliment your looks or offer to take you somewhere a quick and easy "I go there with my boyfriend" or "my boyfriend says that all the time/doesn't think so!" won't hurt, and the conversation can continue platonically and successfully with neither party misled about the other's intentions.

Girls who are in a relationship and keep it a secret are REALLY annoying. Example: my most recent ex, or the bad date/just friends girl from this past Sunday. It happens to me a lot, and often the girl will let it go beyond just one date before the big reveal. Then pain happens. 

[Sajainta]

The problem is...I do mention that I have a boyfriend.  Since D and I are really close and we do pretty much every single thing together, he comes up in almost any conversation I have.  But some men still assume I'm into them.  I don't know why.  Maybe because most people aren't used to being asked tough questions early on in a friendship, and jump to the conclusion that since they've never been asked [insert whatever] before, then I must like them, regardless of the fact that I've said I'm in a relationship.

I also have no idea how to identify flirting.  -_____-  I failed Dating 101.

[Lord J Esq]

I think this would all be much easier if we were more casual about our sexuality. I tell you I'd have been a lot less nervous and awkward in younger days if attracting a partner had not been depicted in our culture as something so massively important and nearly unattainable.

I never dated until I was in my twenties! It's a lot easier than I thought it would be, because I have a very good idea of what I want and the confidence to pursue relevant topics of conversation from the onset.