The $%*! frustration thread

[utunnels]

I sense some evil force is trying to delay your "plan", tushantin.
 

[tushantin]

What frustrates me currently, which might carry for my whole life,  are narrow minded backwards-thinking parents who have deluded notions of child nurturing, refusing to listen to reason and are always ready to justify.

Now, these parents aren't necessary bad people, and there's no reason to spoil good friendship by attacking them, when you can do it gently so. Thing is, even if changing one mind is possible, it's still difficult, and there are thousands out there who still believe authoritative parenting is the only way.

Can't they see they are crushing their children's curiosity, creativity and self-compassion?

[Schala Zeal]

Upon hearing I was to be involved in Chrono Crisis' storyline, even saw that there was a sprite of me for the game, I immediately set out to try and find it. Everywhere I turned seemed to point to a dead Imageshack link or Japanese 404 page....urg.

[Sajainta]

People telling abuse survivors that they should let go of their anger.
People telling abuse survivors that they need to forgive.
People telling abuse survivors that they should not be bitter.
People telling abuse survivors that their coping mechanism of using gallows humour is offensive.
People thinking there is one magical way to deal with trauma.

Fuck this never-ending bullshit.

[idioticidioms]

People telling abuse survivors that they should let go of their anger.
People telling abuse survivors that they need to forgive.
People telling abuse survivors that they should not be bitter.
People telling abuse survivors that their coping mechanism of using gallows humour is offensive.
People thinking there is one magical way to deal with trauma.

Fuck this never-ending bullshit.

Well, you do. When you dwell on shit, it causes a lot more damage to you and everyone else around you. It's not easy and people who have been through it know this, but it is better to let go and move on than it is to let it drag you down for who-knows-how-long.

I am an abuse survivor and I spent a long time caught up in anger and everything else. I tried moving past it too fast and kept repeating a cycle that was destroying me mentally and emotionally.

There is not an answer that encompasses everything. Each person must find who they are and deal with their problems, as long as that takes. You can't avoid people getting impatient with you, though; because you have to try to work through it and see the other side. Nobody in their right mind is going to want to stick around you if you're negative all the time, whether it's reasonable or not, because then you're abusing them just as much as you were abused.

I find peoples ignorance to be amazing, though. I was thrown out of a community for having a certain shade of humor. I was banned from their IRC without warning for it and when I was let back in, I apologized for it and told them I would try not to let it happen again, because I was understanding that their circle did not appreciate shit like that. They wanted to force me to admit that there was never a right time or place for that humor, basically wanting to force me to think exactly like them instead of accepting that everything does have it's time and place and we wound up arguing. It was forum where people prided themselves on their moral superiority, so I called them out on that. I wound up getting banned from their IRC and forums a second time.

The thing is, you have to give in to bitterness and anger and let it have its due, because it's been built up inside of you and needs to be released. Your cup has to empty before it can refill again. The only person who can help you is you and that's the only person whose input matters. A lot of people don't like dealing with their problems, they internalize the hate and rage and that's what they become. They'll tell you to shut up and deal with it, because it's what they felt they had to do, and instead of rising above it all, they fall prey to it and it will always be their mission to drag others down to their level.

I mean, here's the bottom line and it's pretty blunt: People are going to be people no matter what you do. Fuck them. Not literally, obviously, unless you want to fuck them literally, then go right ahead. Take care of yourself and work toward getting yourself into a happier place. It won't magically happen overnight and you won't be able to stay in that happy place every second of every minute of every day, but it's worth it when you're able to get there. It will be something you have to keep fighting for, because after so long, as Gotye says, people become addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

Anyway, best of luck in dealing with things; try not to let other people get to you; and don't worry about how long it takes to get over things. It's your journey and story and nobody elses.

[Sajainta]

Nobody in their right mind is going to want to stick around you if you're negative all the time

That'd be a perfect ending for me actually.

you're abusing them just as much as you were abused.

Yeah I don't think so.  Being a negative person =/= raping and selling children to be raped.  I have never abused anyone "just as much as I was abused."

[idioticidioms]

not in the same fashion, but to the same degree you have been just as cruel and cold to someone, somewhere; unfair. You may as well be a child-rapist or slaver if you ruin a kid, or someone else, for life with your negativity. But, you seem keen on blaming everyone except yourself; eventually you'll have to accept that what happens in life simply happens and is not bad or good, but just 'is'. You can't change other people and you can't stop them from doing what they do. You may lead a horse to water, so you've heard, but you can not make them drink. All you can do is take care of yourself and get yourself in a better place.

Everyone suffers and everyone does the best they can to live based on what they've been taught by others and what they have learned from doing based on what they've been taught by others. You can either hate them for doing something you may have done if you had been through what they had been through and you can perpetuate a cycle of insanity that stems from hate and bitterness and regret, or you can try to rise above it and teach people a better way, if you can, in the hopes that they might just start changing themselves. It really is that simple of a choice and you can make it at any time.

Quite frankly, I didn't find myself that charming when I was suffering and I don't find you all that charming, either. Sadly, no one can help you if you don't want to be helped, even yourself. You want to start recognizing your own faults, then that's a start; it will make it a lot harder to hate other people and yourself. You act like you're the only one who's gotten a bum rap in life. It can't rain all the time, though.

[Sajainta]

Wow.  I am astounded.  And you completely misread the first part of my second post; I wasn't praising negativity, I was saying I would rather be left alone in life because I do not like people and they frighten me.

You presume to know so much about me from two very short posts.  You know nothing about me.  I have literally never even spoken to you on this website before today.  You have no idea if I am currently getting help.  You have no idea whether or not I have reached out to others and have allowed them to help me (I have).  You have no idea how much I have healed from my traumas.  You have no idea if I want to be helped or not.  You have no idea that I blame everyone but myself (the thought is laughable; I take responsibility for my actions and do you have any idea how much I hate myself and blame myself for what happened?).  You have no idea if I don't recognize my faults.  I am the first person to admit my faults and anyone in my life knows that and thinks it admirable that I'm able to be honest about who I am, about both the good and the bad.

I absolutely do NOT think I am the only person who has suffered in life and anyone who knows me would laugh and be disgusted by that assumption.  I am a negative person and can be very unempathetic and cold and I avoid people for a myriad of reasons, but I have never "ruined someone for life," especially not a child.

I love how a post of mine being annoyed at people trying to tell me how to deal with my own crap turns into a response comparing me being an occasionally unpleasant person to my rapists and traffickers, the people who tortured me and almost killed me and enjoyed it, the people who murdered my daughter.  How dare you say that to me.  How dare you put me in the same category as those people.

I honestly feel sick.

[tushantin]

...I would rather be left alone in life because I do not like people and they frighten me.

That's something you'd have in common with Dr Seuss! Not sure if you regard that would be a good thing or bad thing. The bad news is that it may have harmful effects to your psycho-physiology. Good news is that it might actually make you more productive / creative! (And of course, making you cautious about strangers with candy in a van. Or probably one with a blue box. And stuff.)

But do you really believe that escaping fear, pain and annoyance is the best way to actually conquer them? Just curious. Because so far in your development, at least based on what I observed, your strength of nature depended on your disposition of actively (consciously or not) flinging yourself into horrors time and again. I'm not sure if that would be because the self-controlled flinging appears to be safer than the forceful flinging by other people (well, in a way, it actually is safer because we have full agency to learn from it and device against it; I've done so many times myself, so I can relate to that). I could say that these strengths influencing your instincts are actually trying to prepare you for similar situations in the future; but your active first resort seems to be simply avoiding the hassle altogether, even if there's just a small percent chance that things may go wrong. This appears to be coming from your lack of trust in humanity altogether, and hence giving you an appearance that nobody, none at all, can ever be trusted (not "trust" in general terms, but "trust" as in your personal openness... er... I can't seem to explain it well, but you can take it either way, and feel free to judge me for it if you feel the need; in any case, you did mention you've allowed others to help you which has helped you get better, so my connotation of "trust" here is a bit different).

But beyond all that, beyond all the things you air here and elsewhere, the fact that you still do take the chance to give someone else a chance in your life still speaks of an undying virtue. Even if that chance is small. That, for me, is your triumph nonetheless.

You know nothing about me.

I concur. Despite the fact we've spoken a lot of times here and elsewhere, despite all the things you've told me and all the things I've known about you without you telling me anything, I'm not quite sure if I -- or anyone, even idioticidioms -- knows you well enough. We know what you've been through, but we can seldom comprehend it. We know what you've lost, but we can seldom feel it or empathize it, even if some of us want to. That some of us would like to share that pain with you.

But all the same, there are more things you've gained too, though I'm not sure if you realize that you have. One of the many things, of course, is perspective.  


(P.S.: I have no idea what the discussion between you and idioticidioms was about. I haven't read it, so I'm probably missing context.)

[Kodokami]

My current frustration is for being gone for so long. So much to catch up on here! Forgive me if I jump into some of these topics too hastily.

@Saj and tush

You know nothing about me.

I concur. Despite the fact we've spoken a lot of times here and elsewhere, despite all the things you've told me and all the things I've known about you without you telling me anything, I'm not quite sure if I -- or anyone, even idioticidioms -- knows you well enough. We know what you've been through, but we can seldom comprehend it. We know what you've lost, but we can seldom feel it or empathize it, even if some of us want to. That some of us would like to share that pain with you.

You hit the nail on the head with this one, tush.

@idioticidioms: Each person deals with their trauma and pain in their own way. We have no right to judge unless we too have experienced such trauma, and even then, pushing one method of recovery over another is still wrong. As is comparing one person's negativity to the actions of traffickers and rapists. I hope you will consider this before writing a reply to this topic, if you do.

[Mr Bekkler]

not in the same fashion, but to the same degree you have been just as cruel and cold to someone, somewhere; unfair. You may as well be a child-rapist or slaver if you ruin a kid, or someone else, for life with your negativity. But, you seem keen on blaming everyone except yourself; eventually you'll have to accept that what happens in life simply happens and is not bad or good, but just 'is'. You can't change other people and you can't stop them from doing what they do. You may lead a horse to water, so you've heard, but you can not make them drink. All you can do is take care of yourself and get yourself in a better place.

Everyone suffers and everyone does the best they can to live based on what they've been taught by others and what they have learned from doing based on what they've been taught by others. You can either hate them for doing something you may have done if you had been through what they had been through and you can perpetuate a cycle of insanity that stems from hate and bitterness and regret, or you can try to rise above it and teach people a better way, if you can, in the hopes that they might just start changing themselves. It really is that simple of a choice and you can make it at any time.

Quite frankly, I didn't find myself that charming when I was suffering and I don't find you all that charming, either. Sadly, no one can help you if you don't want to be helped, even yourself. You want to start recognizing your own faults, then that's a start; it will make it a lot harder to hate other people and yourself. You act like you're the only one who's gotten a bum rap in life. It can't rain all the time, though.

What an offensive post. I get what you're trying to say, but dude, wrong place, wrong time, wrong way, wrong person. You can't project your own issues onto someone else and expect them to take kindly. Combine that with your seeming tendency to hyperbolize and the results are... bad.

Sajainta, don't listen to a word. You're right. He doesn't know you and probably knows very little to nothing about your past.

I'm at work and can't write much at the moment, but I'll definitely be back for some discussion later.

[idioticidioms]

not in the same fashion, but to the same degree you have been just as cruel and cold to someone, somewhere; unfair. You may as well be a child-rapist or slaver if you ruin a kid, or someone else, for life with your negativity. But, you seem keen on blaming everyone except yourself; eventually you'll have to accept that what happens in life simply happens and is not bad or good, but just 'is'. You can't change other people and you can't stop them from doing what they do. You may lead a horse to water, so you've heard, but you can not make them drink. All you can do is take care of yourself and get yourself in a better place.

Everyone suffers and everyone does the best they can to live based on what they've been taught by others and what they have learned from doing based on what they've been taught by others. You can either hate them for doing something you may have done if you had been through what they had been through and you can perpetuate a cycle of insanity that stems from hate and bitterness and regret, or you can try to rise above it and teach people a better way, if you can, in the hopes that they might just start changing themselves. It really is that simple of a choice and you can make it at any time.

Quite frankly, I didn't find myself that charming when I was suffering and I don't find you all that charming, either. Sadly, no one can help you if you don't want to be helped, even yourself. You want to start recognizing your own faults, then that's a start; it will make it a lot harder to hate other people and yourself. You act like you're the only one who's gotten a bum rap in life. It can't rain all the time, though.

What an offensive post. I get what you're trying to say, but dude, wrong place, wrong time, wrong way, wrong person. You can't project your own issues onto someone else and expect them to take kindly. Combine that with your seeming tendency to hyperbolize and the results are... bad.

Sajainta, don't listen to a word. You're right. He doesn't know you and probably knows very little to nothing about your past.

I'm at work and can't write much at the moment, but I'll definitely be back for some discussion later.

I don't need to know individual people to know that all people are similar to some degree; and through her pain, she has lashed out at people who have not deserved it. She can lay her blame on the people that affected her in such a way, but then she'd have to lay blame on herself for every person she's affected in the same way, albeit not the same fashion.

I understand she's your friend and you view what I said to be harsh, but it's not a lie. Unless you're somehow God, you have not managed to avoid the big mistakes in life; you have not been able to avoid the fallacies of being human entirely. There are no perfect people, no matter what it may look on the outside. I don't care if it's offensive or not; I'm not going to sit here and lie to someone when the lie will hurt them infinitely more in the long run than the truth, which only hurts at first.

You can't blame people, because everyone is a victim just as much as they are a victimizer and after a while; for so many people; it becomes it's own self-fulfilling prophecy, because their actions begin to affect the actions of others to the point where what you receive is what you expect to receive, so you keep putting out the same and receiving the same. You can't really blame anybody, because it's all varying degrees of being lost without proper guidance and being made to suffer more than is necessary.

You're right; I don't know her past; I don't need to if the emotions are the same, because the same elements always lead to the same results, though it doesn't always look like the same elements because it seems like an entirely different scenario. What's it matter what you go through if it affects you the same; makes you feel the same emotions; drags you down to the same dark pit?

At some point in her past, she had to have a person or a couple of people that instilled good in her, otherwise she wouldn't even lament the bad things that happened to her, she would just accept them as they come and act the same; because that's what wild animals do. Only animals who have been shown love reach for love, so if she had not the love in her life given to her by others, she would be just as bad as those she hates, because she would see nothing wrong with any of it, but would accept it as it came.

And honestly, it's not offensive to say that somebody needs to get to know themselves to move on; it's entirely true. get to know the monster inside of you; get to know the good part; get to know what you're capable of doing and who you view yourself to be. You have no right to judge anyone else, or to sit there all petulant and act hurt just because life has been unfair to you. Odds are; being human; you've caused a lot of your own problems in life without even realizing it. Maybe not every single problem; but definitely a lot; all based on how you moved on and what you learned and what you put out for others.

You can either start accepting personal responsibility in the fullest and seeking to fix yourself to the point where you're happy with who you are, or you can't. That's what it boils down to. Is it wrong that people do the things they do? of course, but then, too, is it wrong for you to act the way you do at times. Is it wrong to say that? I don't think so. Too many people say the wrong things and are loved for them. I would rather say the right thing even if it means being hated for it.

[Sajainta]

Sajainta, don't listen to a word. You're right. He doesn't know you and probably knows very little to nothing about your past.

Good advice.  I'm not going to.  I've said my piece (which he seems to not have read) and am not going to pursue this further, even if he does respond.  I'm sure I'll be labeled cowardly or "not facing the issue" or "not accepting responsibility" or "not facing up to the truth" or whatever rubbish, but I know a lost cause when I see one and I don't need that kind of stress in my life.  I deserve better than that.  Over the past few months I've come to like and accept myself a whole lot more and I am nothing like them.  And no random stranger on the internet is going to have that sway over me and undo that healing.

@idioticidioms, it's been super fun but I'm done talking with you.  The preservation of my mental health and avoiding having flashbacks because of being compared to my abusers trumps arguing with someone on a forum.  Make of that what you will.  Good day to you, sir.

@tush, I will probably respond later, right now I am seriously sleep-deprived.

[idioticidioms]

So, you've already chosen to run from your problems instead of confronting them. Then, I have nothing further to say.

for the record, that's MY frustration.

As a human, you only think you deserve better than that, but that's simple folly and arrogance. You think you're better than all other life on this planet that you should be free from hardship where they are not? If only life were that simple. If only.

Yes, Mr. Bekkler; I know. I'm an asshole and a piece of shit and should not say such things to other people because it hurts their delicate sensitivities. Spare me.

[Mr Bekkler]

not in the same fashion, but to the same degree you have been just as cruel and cold to someone, somewhere; unfair. You may as well be a child-rapist or slaver if you ruin a kid, or someone else, for life with your negativity. But, you seem keen on blaming everyone except yourself; eventually you'll have to accept that what happens in life simply happens and is not bad or good, but just 'is'. You can't change other people and you can't stop them from doing what they do. You may lead a horse to water, so you've heard, but you can not make them drink. All you can do is take care of yourself and get yourself in a better place.

Everyone suffers and everyone does the best they can to live based on what they've been taught by others and what they have learned from doing based on what they've been taught by others. You can either hate them for doing something you may have done if you had been through what they had been through and you can perpetuate a cycle of insanity that stems from hate and bitterness and regret, or you can try to rise above it and teach people a better way, if you can, in the hopes that they might just start changing themselves. It really is that simple of a choice and you can make it at any time.

Quite frankly, I didn't find myself that charming when I was suffering and I don't find you all that charming, either. Sadly, no one can help you if you don't want to be helped, even yourself. You want to start recognizing your own faults, then that's a start; it will make it a lot harder to hate other people and yourself. You act like you're the only one who's gotten a bum rap in life. It can't rain all the time, though.

What an offensive post. I get what you're trying to say, but dude, wrong place, wrong time, wrong way, wrong person. You can't project your own issues onto someone else and expect them to take kindly. Combine that with your seeming tendency to hyperbolize and the results are... bad.

Sajainta, don't listen to a word. You're right. He doesn't know you and probably knows very little to nothing about your past.

I'm at work and can't write much at the moment, but I'll definitely be back for some discussion later.

I don't need to know individual people to know that all people are similar to some degree; and through her pain, she has lashed out at people who have not deserved it. She can lay her blame on the people that affected her in such a way, but then she'd have to lay blame on herself for every person she's affected in the same way, albeit not the same fashion.

I understand she's your friend and you view what I said to be harsh, but it's not a lie. Unless you're somehow God, you have not managed to avoid the big mistakes in life; you have not been able to avoid the fallacies of being human entirely. There are no perfect people, no matter what it may look on the outside. I don't care if it's offensive or not; I'm not going to sit here and lie to someone when the lie will hurt them infinitely more in the long run than the truth, which only hurts at first.

You can't blame people, because everyone is a victim just as much as they are a victimizer and after a while; for so many people; it becomes it's own self-fulfilling prophecy, because their actions begin to affect the actions of others to the point where what you receive is what you expect to receive, so you keep putting out the same and receiving the same. You can't really blame anybody, because it's all varying degrees of being lost without proper guidance and being made to suffer more than is necessary.

You're right; I don't know her past; I don't need to if the emotions are the same, because the same elements always lead to the same results, though it doesn't always look like the same elements because it seems like an entirely different scenario. What's it matter what you go through if it affects you the same; makes you feel the same emotions; drags you down to the same dark pit?

At some point in her past, she had to have a person or a couple of people that instilled good in her, otherwise she wouldn't even lament the bad things that happened to her, she would just accept them as they come and act the same; because that's what wild animals do. Only animals who have been shown love reach for love, so if she had not the love in her life given to her by others, she would be just as bad as those she hates, because she would see nothing wrong with any of it, but would accept it as it came.

And honestly, it's not offensive to say that somebody needs to get to know themselves to move on; it's entirely true. get to know the monster inside of you; get to know the good part; get to know what you're capable of doing and who you view yourself to be. You have no right to judge anyone else, or to sit there all petulant and act hurt just because life has been unfair to you. Odds are; being human; you've caused a lot of your own problems in life without even realizing it. Maybe not every single problem; but definitely a lot; all based on how you moved on and what you learned and what you put out for others.

You can either start accepting personal responsibility in the fullest and seeking to fix yourself to the point where you're happy with who you are, or you can't. That's what it boils down to. Is it wrong that people do the things they do? of course, but then, too, is it wrong for you to act the way you do at times. Is it wrong to say that? I don't think so. Too many people say the wrong things and are loved for them. I would rather say the right thing even if it means being hated for it.

It's not about saying the right thing or the wrong thing, it's about getting your real message out the right way, in other words, in a way that does more good than harm, in a way that is paid attention to and can resonate as good advice.

You're being far more negative than you're accusing Sajainta of being, and whether you think so or not, whether your facts are accurate or not, you're in the wrong.

On top of that, you never know how you will impact others. You might think you can see patterns in behavior and thinking and actions and that you have a formula in your head telling you how everyone is, has been and will be. But even if you're a total true-to-life genius, you can't be right 100% of the time. And if you're not 100% sure, then you really are guessing. Thus, you can't really know how you affect others.

No two people or situations are the same. You can only know what they tell you, and make the logical connections and come to your own conclusions. I agree with some of what you said, but I really wanted to just not read it because of the way you have presented previous opinions.

Lighten up your approach. You might make someone's day, and they might return the favor. You never know.