Nice one. And... oh, my god, what the hell, ONSLAUGHT?! Veggy?
Here's the one you would expect.
"..."
And here's the real thing.
"Hello. I'm a kind young man who doesn't mind getting beaten up, yelled at, nearly executed, being thrown through time, being put on trial for a crime I didn't commit, and being dragged on a massive adventure that started with a girl with a ponytail. I'm soft spoken, but I fight for those I love and what I think is right.
I can be with almost everyone, from knights turned frogs to scary robots to prehistoric chicks to freaky guys with pointy hair, but I have issues with blonde girls with crossbows, poofy pants, and a tendency to wear their hair up in ponytails.
Royalty need not apply."