A Warning

[ZeaLitY]

Let's say you have strong romantic feelings for someone, or intend to pursue or repair a relationship with that someone (Person A). Before the time is right, you meet someone else (Person B), perhaps on vacation. Knowing full well that you still have feelings for the Person A and intend to pursue a lasting relationship with that original person, you still go ahead and start a temporary relationship with Person B, spending time with him or her and cultivating romantic exchange of feelings and emotion. You know that it's going to be temporary, since you still have feelings for Person A, but you don't really tell this to Person B, because you're enjoying the interchange. As far as Person B knows, you're interested in them with a long-term basis in mind. When it's time to leave or when you're ready to go back to Person A, you break it off with Person B, using whatever vague break-up language needed for you to feel satisfied. You may even blame yourself, or try to make yourself look like a jerk so that Person B won't take it so badly. In the end, you enjoyed a temporary relationship and personal exchange, and now you move on to pursue a relationship or express your feelings for Person A, sure that Person B will get over you in short order and continue their life.

If you fucking do this, you are Satan, and by the power of my sheer determination I will somehow mentally will into existence the Greek Furies and various other demons to chase you down and exact brutal, unforgiving revenge for the poor person you had a temporary relationship with. You deserve no pity, no quarter, and no mercy, and by the power of justice, may you be condemned to suffer ten times the emotional rape you inflicted upon Person B, with whom you shared yourself deceptively. May God damn you to hell and inflict more suffering and pain upon your lying, sinful heart than you could have ever previously imagined. May storms haunt your tread and water turn to poison in your deceitful mouth; may you be shunned by all of humanity for the rest of your pitiful life. You are the enemy, and you are evil. You are subhuman, and you should burn. There is no forgiveness for those who fuck with or manipulate the human heart. None. So perish.

[Azure]

Hmmm...  Well, I'm going to start off by saying you're completely correct.  But, the unfortunate part is that I expect this from our current society.  The majority of people living and breahting in this "horrible world" (when they don't realize how good they have it) don't deserve to breath the air.  Why?  Because of examples like this.  I probably sound like a bitter old bat, but the fact is, the people I have come across in life have given me no reason to think otherwise.  Now, there is always acceptions to this rule, I have met a few people who I would lay down my everything for.  Others, I'd turn my back on.  From what I gather by people's posts here, I see a few who I would put in the first group of people (the ones I would do a lot for.)

Now, to play devils advocate to your example, keeping in mind I agree with you, what of the situation where one does not know about the dormant feelings for Person A, while seeing Person B?

[ZeaLitY]

Then one should be sincere in the breakup. In all the cases of emotional rape I'm aware of through my friends and my own experience, the horrible people have dodged their own responsibility. Mine flat out disappeared after our relationship escalated without reason or any indication that something was wrong. My closest friend's former one pretended nothing was wrong with his suddenly going cold and ambivalent, and was even telling her things suggesting that they'd be together long-term mere days before he would see his ex-girlfriend. One of my other close friend's emotional rapist is particularly vile, resorting to saying that he loves her "in his own way" now that he's abandoned their relationship for an ex. Insincerity forbids closure, and people who endure this kind of heartbreak really, sometimes desperately need closure to move on and understand the situation. But most of the time, it seems these horrible people cannot own up to their own actions and lack the common decency to tell the truth.

[Dark Serge]

So you're basically saying you're a hero of justice.

Emotions leads to hatred, and hatred leads to pain. By expressing unnecessary violence like that you're nothing better then the guy you hate so much.

[Azure]

I think there is a solid difference between hatred of someone, and compassion against something horrible.

I've found threw my own experiences that people who have trouble breaking up with people in a sincere way tend to have troubles with all relationships.  If someone cannot be honest in a break up, odds are that they were not honest in the relationship.  I find a relationship with arguments can still be healthy, as long as there is still honesty.  I've been in a few bad relationships, some of them ending not so well for different reasons.  People who coward in the face of someone they "love"...  Those people make me sick.

[Dark Serge]

Perhaps, but that's irrelevant. Showing compassion for a victim is fine, but trying to use violence solves nothing.

[Azure]

I was simply replying to your point that emotions lead to hatred.  I disagree with this.  I find actions, or not doing anything, leads to hatred.  If you're angry with someone, and you don't do anything to resolve said anger, it can boil into hate.

Violence doesn't always solve the imidiate problem, but, if you're really angry, and you beat up on a punching bag, usually you'll feel better, andn ot so angry.  Hatred and violence have many forms and many ways to channel it out, which ever way you happen to use changes a lot of things.

[KebreI]

Wow...amazing timing there Z.

[Daniel Krispin]

Let's say you have strong romantic feelings for someone, or intend to pursue or repair a relationship with that someone (Person A). Before the time is right, you meet someone else (Person B), perhaps on vacation. Knowing full well that you still have feelings for the Person A and intend to pursue a lasting relationship with that original person, you still go ahead and start a temporary relationship with Person B, spending time with him or her and cultivating romantic exchange of feelings and emotion. You know that it's going to be temporary, since you still have feelings for Person A, but you don't really tell this to Person B, because you're enjoying the interchange. As far as Person B knows, you're interested in them with a long-term basis in mind. When it's time to leave or when you're ready to go back to Person A, you break it off with Person B, using whatever vague break-up language needed for you to feel satisfied. You may even blame yourself, or try to make yourself look like a jerk so that Person B won't take it so badly. In the end, you enjoyed a temporary relationship and personal exchange, and now you move on to pursue a relationship or express your feelings for Person A, sure that Person B will get over you in short order and continue their life.

If you fucking do this, you are Satan, and by the power of my sheer determination I will somehow mentally will into existence the Greek Furies and various other demons to chase you down and exact brutal, unforgiving revenge for the poor person you had a temporary relationship with. You deserve no pity, no quarter, and no mercy, and by the power of justice, may you be condemned to suffer ten times the emotional rape you inflicted upon Person B, with whom you shared yourself deceptively. May God damn you to hell and inflict more suffering and pain upon your lying, sinful heart than you could have ever previously imagined. May storms haunt your tread and water turn to poison in your deceitful mouth; may you be shunned by all of humanity for the rest of your pitiful life. You are the enemy, and you are evil. You are subhuman, and you should burn. There is no forgiveness for those who fuck with or manipulate the human heart. None. So perish.

Tell me about it.

[ZeaLitY]

Yeah...it doesn't have to happen. It could be a part of adult education or sex ed, just like the Hall & Oates song advocates. It's almost mindless suffering...

Have any of you had to invent your own closure, since you couldn't get a straight answer or reliably guess the facts of the situation?

[FaustWolf]

It's just crazy how often you see this sort of thing play out. It really should be part of sex ed; odd that we teach our kids how to have sex, yet don't teach them how to be lovers.

But then again, it's not like sex ed has obliterated STDs -- the problem goes deeper, into the "live for the moment" mentality that seems to be hardwired into human behavior via its animalistic past.

Perhaps the message would be best communicated through pop culture -- videogames, movies, etc -- so it doesn't seem preachy and therefore easily tuned out. Anyone know of a story that dealt with this phenomenon particularly well?

[nightmare975]

Reminds me of my bitch for an ex.

Used me(B) to get to person A, dumped me, and told everyone I tried to force her into sex.

Yeah, stupid bitch. Too bad she became a nympho. What a whore.

On-topic: It's tough for people sometimes to admit their feelings to someone, like person a because they've known them for a long time, the last break-up was harsh, etc. That's why we fall for people like person b, because we barely know them. Simple as that.

[Jutty]

I just don't take rebounds very seriously. If I know they were in a heavy relationship prior I don't get too attached. However, most of the time people don't do it on purpose. I am definitely still caught up on one of my exes and if she would take me back I would end all of the casual relationships I have right now. You just can't help who you have feelings for. I'm sure the person actually liked you or else they wouldn't have pursued you in the first place.

[teaflower]

I think that happened to you. I would be pissed if that happened to me. Then again, I'm still kinda pissed about the whole Brandon stood me up at homecoming thing.

Honestly, if a guy did that to me and I found out about it, I would slowly castrate him with a wooden cooking spoon and burn them to a crisp. And then I'd do other horrible things to him. I think that if I were a guy and a girl did this to me, I would... I dunno. I see myself as a nice guy.

[FaustWolf]

Okay, forget the sex ed thing, Greek Furies, and educating people through pop culture -- I think the wooden spoon imagery is the most effective deterrent to this kind of behavior.