I don't really like it when a guy claims he's very feminist and anti-sexist because it makes me slightly weary.
Completely understandable. The phenomenon of male feminism is probably fairly new in public discourse and therefore "weird;" moreover, we
should be subject to intense scrutiny at this nascent stage of the movement to ensure that we aren't just trying to pander to perceptions of female victimization; at that point male feminism can devolve into a kind of false paternalistic protectiveness, which would be sexist in and of itself.
The male feminist must prepare for an awkward road indeed, and be able to keep his footing whilst being viewed skeptically by both men and women. I'm glad that I had a male feminist professor for a women's studies class in college and that people like Lord J, ZeaLitY, Thought, and others closer to my own age are very comfortable with these types of discussions, otherwise I might have been dissuaded from choosing this philosophical path altogether.
And as a shameless plug to male feminists or at least pro-feminists in "mainstream" culture, I offer the filmmakers
James Cameron and
Hayao Miyazaki. Note that with the topsy-turviness of James Cameron's personal life, the male feminist should not expect to suddenly find harmony with women or something; guy's been divorced five times. So much for the romantic ideal.
Guys on the other hand, expect women to be "nurturing". When does a heterosexual guy go to his guy friends to talk about his "feelings" or any emotional problems he has? Is it sexist that he expects women to be more receptive to his personal problems than his best (guy) friend? No, I don't think it is.
All humans have equal capacity to be nurturing, and this should not be denied to men, in the same way that aggressive pursuit of success in the job market should not be denied to women. There are aboriginal societies in which men care for the young, which is highly suggestive of equal nurturing capacity. This is positive; the negative flipside to that is that the women in some of these societies seem to be more violent -- as if there needs to be some sort of bloodthirsty, hardened gender in every society. Feminists must eschew this notion.
As for the opening doors example specifically, I've had plenty of women open doors for me, and I've opened doors for men, and vice versa...why shouldn't everyone open the door for each other? Paying for dinners, ah, that's an interesting question indeed. I'm not sure how to solve that, as equality does necessitate going halfies or one partner treating the other on a turn basis.
When does a heterosexual guy go to his guy friends to talk about his "feelings" or any emotional problems he has?
I actually did this once in high school after the emotionally jarring experience of seeing someone enter a seizure, and remaining to make sure the seizing person's back and neck were straight, etc (it was one of those situations where I got to do something I saw on the Discovery Channel, yay!). I was quite frankly surprised at how well a good male friend sort of talked me through the emotional and psychological aftermath of that event. And you know what? I left the experience with an astounding amount of respect for my friend, without losing any sense of my own masculinity or heterosexuality.
EDIT: Oh, I just have to drop a link to this:
Next to Rocco Morabito's photo
Kiss of Life, this is probably the most jarring visual symbol of man's positive nurturing ability that I've seen, in that it immediately forces the viewer to confront sexist stereotypes.
What!? Why isn't he in a woman's arms? Why isn't a woman in his
arms? For that matter, why is that guy such a wuss? A soldier doesn't cry! ...Are these dudes g-g-g-gay!?. But the simple fact is, in the middle of this horrendous Korean War battlefield, this guy is all this other guy has, and at that moment this man was capable of a wonderful emotionally nurturing act.
Call it feminism, pro-feminism, positive masculinism...by any name, this is what it's about for me. It's about unlocking humanistic potential within men that traditional androcentric mores are suppressing, to the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual detriment of all.