Fuck Sexism

[Mr Bekkler]

Very few people are of the mustache twirling, Dick Cheney type.

And yet, oddly enough, O' Dicky supports same-sex marriage. Even the mustache twirling, Dick Cheney types aren't totally without a shred of humanity.

Remember, though, that was a recent decision, after he got out of office. His daughter (who happens to be a homosexual) convinced him, post-second-term.

Back when he had "power", however, he was demonstrably more corrupt.

[FaustWolf]

Maybe its just me, since I come from a church that emphasizes community service, but I think that a lot more can be done this way. I, myself, plan on suggesting a feminist cause for our Winter work; probably building a women's shelter, as that's the only idea I can come up with.

Regardless of any arguments that spring up about religion from your post Truth, 'effing go for it.

Ultimately in our great campaign against sexism, we need to examine what worked for each of us and build that into our methodology. At a women's shelter, young men will come into contact with some of sexism's very worst manifestations, and that will plant a seed of reason in them if they have any heart at all. If you feel that a religion-oriented activity can carry the message of anti-sexism effectively to a certain audience, then all the more power to you.

Do your best to make sure that the shelter is truly about service to anyone of any creed who seeks help, without heavy proselytizing overtones. Proselytism in these environments may make the victims who seek shelter feel that strings are attached, and therefore they may avoid the help, which is obviously counterproductive.

[Sajainta]

As for friendliness with our neighbors, I think Americans are some of the friendliest people in the world. It varies by area, but Southerners are known for their hospitality(some people I know who live in the south disagree about the premises of 'Southern Hospitality' but that's another story), and West Coasters are just really friendly in general. Actually, I think Americans are friendly in general except in certain parts of the East Coast. Like, Americans like to go out of their way and say hi to people they don't know. When I walk my dog, or walk in the neighborhood, a neighbor passes and a lot of the time, even if I don't know them, they say hi. This is very uncommon in many parts of the world.

I would have to disagree.  I spent my entire life overseas, and unfortunately the term "ugly American" exists for a reason.  Just think about American tourists...  "This makes no sense, why don't they do it the American way??"  I try to shy away from generalizations and stereotypes, but out of 10 American tourists I have ever met, about 9 of them are rude and condescending toward the country they are visiting.  Just the fact that we DO "stick our noses into other people's business" gives off the impression that of an American tourist--the way WE do it is RIGHT and is the ONLY right way.

For all of the faults of the country I grew up in, it has some of the most generous, friendliest people in the world.  These are people who will serve you food that they have spent weeks saving up for, and give you about the same portion in one meal that they probably eat in a week.  In many (I'd probably argue, most) parts of the world, saying "hi" to people in your neighbourhood is more than commonplace.  At least, it is what I have noticed living in Europe and Asia.  I'm really happy that you live in such a friendly neighbourhood, but from what I know and have experienced neighbourhood friendliness in the United States does not happen all that often.  And if it does, it certainly does not happen to the same degree as in the other countries I lived in.

I'm not trying to sound anti-American.  Every country I have lived in has its faults and its strengths, and America is no different.  And of course there are humble, generous, friendly Americans.  But having lived overseas and experiencing three cultures (as well as traveling to many other countries), I would argue that Americans are definitely not the most friendly people in the world.  Not by a long shot.

[Zephira]

Probably not the most reliable way to learn, but try watching the Travel or Discovery channel every so often. Shows like No Reservations or Bizarre World, while mostly staged, do try to highlight culture. Sometimes watching that and seeing how much friendlier and livelier other cultures are, I wish I lived elsewhere, then I remember the padded and pampered lifestyle here and prefer to stay. I might know jack squat about my neighbours, but at least it's a comfortable enough lifestyle that I can spend more time learning or painting.

One of the more interesting bits of culture, I think from somewhere in the middle east, is the way fast food joints are run. The tables and booths at Wendy's are all private, with a swinging door sort of like a public restroom stall. The tables are also separated into two groups; single men eat on one side, and families on the other.

[FaustWolf]

But Zephira...where do the single women eat at these Middle Eastern Wendy's'ez? Are they even allowed in? Are there any "Girls Night Out"'s at least?

I'll say this: a shawl would be mighty handy while eating a Frosty. Brrrr.

[Radical_Dreamer]

Religion is an extremely powerful driving force in our culture. Think of how much Christian groups have helped Africans with AIDS over the past decade when a religious leader like George Bush started shedding light on the problem.

The Pope is deliberately spreading misinformation in Africa that if followed will lead to an increase in the spread of HIV, assuming it hasn't already. And Bush is no saint either; his plan pushes abstinence-only education, which has been shown to not decrease sexual activity, but simply decrease the use of birth control, including condoms. Bush's Christian faith led him to undermine the good he was doing by delivering antiretrovirals to Africa.

I live in an apartment community. Lots of small buildings. I don't know the other people in my building, and of the people living in the complex, I really only talk to one person, and it's when I happen to see her. She's very nice though. Perhaps if I wind up buying a house at some point, I'll make the effort to get to know my neighbors, but apartment life strikes me as so fleeting. Who knows how long they will be here for? Or my roommate and I, for that matter?

When I was in Paris, I had an interesting experience that I can't imagine happening at most places in America. The friend I was staying with and I went to a restaurant, a middle class seeming affair, and were seated at a four person table along with another party of two. Now, at that point, I didn't talk to the other gentlemen but I imagine that if I'd spent more time at such restaurants (and spoke French better) that could have led to some very interesting encounters. My friend told me that this was pretty common in France. I can't imagine that sort of thing ever becoming common in America.

[ZaichikArky]

As for friendliness with our neighbors, I think Americans are some of the friendliest people in the world. It varies by area, but Southerners are known for their hospitality(some people I know who live in the south disagree about the premises of 'Southern Hospitality' but that's another story), and West Coasters are just really friendly in general. Actually, I think Americans are friendly in general except in certain parts of the East Coast. Like, Americans like to go out of their way and say hi to people they don't know. When I walk my dog, or walk in the neighborhood, a neighbor passes and a lot of the time, even if I don't know them, they say hi. This is very uncommon in many parts of the world.

I would have to disagree.  I spent my entire life overseas, and unfortunately the term "ugly American" exists for a reason.  Just think about American tourists...  "This makes no sense, why don't they do it the American way??"  I try to shy away from generalizations and stereotypes, but out of 10 American tourists I have ever met, about 9 of them are rude and condescending toward the country they are visiting.  Just the fact that we DO "stick our noses into other people's business" gives off the impression that of an American tourist--the way WE do it is RIGHT and is the ONLY right way.

For all of the faults of the country I grew up in, it has some of the most generous, friendliest people in the world.  These are people who will serve you food that they have spent weeks saving up for, and give you about the same portion in one meal that they probably eat in a week.  In many (I'd probably argue, most) parts of the world, saying "hi" to people in your neighbourhood is more than commonplace.  At least, it is what I have noticed living in Europe and Asia.  I'm really happy that you live in such a friendly neighbourhood, but from what I know and have experienced neighbourhood friendliness in the United States does not happen all that often.  And if it does, it certainly does not happen to the same degree as in the other countries I lived in.

I'm not trying to sound anti-American.  Every country I have lived in has its faults and its strengths, and America is no different.  And of course there are humble, generous, friendly Americans.  But having lived overseas and experiencing three cultures (as well as traveling to many other countries), I would argue that Americans are definitely not the most friendly people in the world.  Not by a long shot.

Your experiences have been very different than mine. I do agree about the rude tourists, though. In anthro we call this "ethnocentrism", meaning that some Americans think that they are the best culture and can be rude and condescending to others. However, I have not met many American tourists like this. I think most tourists are alike when they travel. Annoying! I don't think it's necessarily an American trait. Maybe I've been an annoying tourist too, but it can be hard when you're in a foreign country and don't know the language.

In all the foreign countries I have visited, people rarely say hi to strangers and generally keep to themselves. I lived in Japan for a year and a half, and I stuck out like a sore thumb there due to my height and that I was a white female. People generally assumed I could speak no Japanese(most Japanese are like that with foreign-looking people) , but I'm kind of weird in that I like talking to strangers and if I saw that a stranger was interested in me, we would chat as best as I could manage. I was often asked 1. Where I was from 2. How tall I was. I had to quickly figure out how many centimeters I was because I was constantly asked this.

[Zephira]

But Zephira...where do the single women eat at these Middle Eastern Wendy's'ez? Are they even allowed in? Are there any "Girls Night Out"'s at least?

I'll say this: a shawl would be mighty handy while eating a Frosty. Brrrr.

I think they eat in the family section, but I don't quite remember. It was the episode where a fan won a contest and they went to Saudi Arabia.
There was also something about shops where women could buy high heel shoes and skimpy dresses, but they still had to wear them under those full-body suits, and they could only wear those clothes at home or at all-female parties.
I'd recommend watching it, as I suck at explaining things

In all the foreign countries I have visited, people rarely say hi to strangers and generally keep to themselves. I lived in Japan for a year and a half, and I stuck out like a sore thumb there due to my height and that I was a white female. People generally assumed I could speak no Japanese(most Japanese are like that with foreign-looking people) , but I'm kind of weird in that I like talking to strangers and if I saw that a stranger was interested in me, we would chat as best as I could manage. I was often asked 1. Where I was from 2. How tall I was. I had to quickly figure out how many centimeters I was because I was constantly asked this.

I have a story.
On PAX Saturday, I got off the bus too early. I don't really know my way around Seattle at all, so after a bit of walking I stopped and asked an older looking couple if they knew the way to Pike street. They pulled out a map and, after a bit of searching, found out they were walking in the wrong direction too. We both had to go the same way, so we started walking together. Turns out they were a couple from Britain, visiting on a cruise. They asked a lot of questions; about what I studied, when schools here start and end, what holidays were going on, and they gave answers to their own questions as well. They weren't in any way condescending, and didn't try to put their culture above mine, merely laughed at the similarities and differences, and imagined living it. When passed their hotel, they gave me their map and went in to get another.
I passed a lot of Japanese people visiting as well (I usually see a lot of them whenever I'm in Seattle). They were always taking a lot of pictures and were very excited, but they never acted rude from what I saw.
Really, not what I'd come to expect of tourists. Maybe Seattle's lucky and only attracts nice people.

[Sajainta]

It is safe for you to talk about this, correct?  I am really curious to know whether anything has been done in terms of investigating or breaking up this ring...

It is safe, as far as I am aware.  So long as I don't name names, places, and don't give out a lot of personal information about myself etc. I'm fine.  Plus, I doubt any of those men would be cool enough to play any of the Chrono games, so I don't think they could find me here.

About investigation / prosecution...  I'm not really at liberty to say at the moment.

I hope the experience hasn't left you with too much psychological trauma. Did you get any help after the experience happened and your parents found out about it?

I've been to a lot of therapy since then, because I'm lucky enough to have not only access to therapy and hospitals for the physical repercussions of what happened, but money to pay for it.  I'm still in therapy now.

The therapy has helped (some therapists more than others), and I'm able to live a pretty "normal" life.  That being said, everything has left its mark.  I have a severe form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I have to take anti-anxiety (almost sedative, really) pills to prevent me from having bad flashbacks.  I have depression and I've struggled a lot with suicidal thoughts / suicide, self-injury, and eating issues.  I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in early 2006 after I had a heart attack brought on by the eating disorder.  I have major trust issues, a complete lack of sexual appetite (which sucks for my boyfriend...but he's probably the most patient and kind-hearted person I've ever met), and very, very low self-esteem.  I still have problems thinking of myself as human or as undeserving of what happened.  I still feel very controlled by 'him'.  I still think and feel that a lot of what 'he' said about me or to me was right.

But taking everything into consideration, I could be dealing with a lot worse.  I won't lie--living is very difficult.  It is hard for me to keep pressing on.  To be absolutely blunt, I think about killing myself very often.  But I haven't attempted suicide in over a year and a half.  As of now, I have many things going for me and I feel happy and fortunate to be alive.

Thank you for sharing your story and your perspective, Sajainta. Even though you said you were fine with it, I wasn't sure whether it's painful on your end to share this, so I actually felt kind of guilty about asking -- I hope that doesn't actually keep anyone from asking questions, should they ever come across someone who's been through something like this. It's important to know what's actually going on in the world, and while documentaries are good, there's no substitute for getting a first-hand account.

It is painful to address things, but no more painful than keeping them inside my head.  In some way, it's better to talk about these things.  There's a saying that says "A pain shared is a pain halved" and there is some truth to that.  At the very least, it helps to get it out.  I don't verbally talk about what happened because I can't bring myself to, but I am fine writing about it.

The reason I share is because you're absolutely right--there is no substitute for a first-hand account.  People tend to think of these things happening "over there" or to "the other".  And even if they know that it happens in the U.S., it's just statistics.  But if someone can step in and say "Look, I went through that" it completely changes the way you think.  It gives a name, a face, a story to the otherwise cold, faceless statistics.  It moves many people to action.  So I share, if it's relevant.

EDIT: Oh, do you have any advice for spotting the kind of, uh, "slave houses" and other staging grounds enslaved people are kept in in the US? I'm sure everyone who lives near an impoverished city is cognizant of those broken down "message parlors" you see from time to time. Also, is there any way to spot a woman who's going through this in public? The articles indicated that they'll make quick runs to low-end convenience stores; while they seemed to be trained to fear asking for help, I wonder if there's any solid telltale clues. Or something.

Here is a really good article I found::  http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=106606349345

For individuals, a really big telltale sign is evidence of physical abuse.

Not the Romans, though. One of the main complaints about Christianity back in the day (the first few centuries C.E.) was that they treated women and slaves like equals. This did, admittedly, change over time, particularly as Christianity began to be turned into an ossified religious structure.

The Romans also thought that Christians were cannibals!  Oh, the Eucharist...  XD

One of the really disturbing things about that article that you linked to, Sajainta, is how under-the-radar the sex-trafficking industry is (certainly not the only really disturbing thing; that article had a lot). It is quite possible that I've seen a young girl being transported to another hellful experience on the New Jersey Turnpike, or that a "father" I passed at Disneyland is really going to commit a crime against humanity.

You probably have seen trafficking transactions.  I'd say most of us have been witness to trafficking, even if we had no idea.  It's so underground and so closely-knit and ridiculously well-organized.  And even if you do suspect someone is being trafficked, the fear of what the traffickers will do to them or their family is so overwhelming that they will deny everything.  Even when someone gets out, there is still so much fear involved that most of them never go to the police (if they didn't get rescued).  Not to mention the same, specifically if it was sexual slavery.  Many, many people (even in the courts of America) don't really see a difference between "prostitute" and "slave".  So most of it is very hush-hush.

But if every person who didn't engage in the sex-trade made an effort to get to know their neighbors, that would make America a much harder place to conduct "business" of this sort.

Evil does thrive when good people do nothing.

[Uboa]

But Zephira...where do the single women eat at these Middle Eastern Wendy's'ez? Are they even allowed in? Are there any "Girls Night Out"'s at least?

Reading Lolita in Tehran actually addresses this point specifically... I think.  I believe the point at hand was about going to fast food restaurants, and Nafisi's account indicates that single women are not tolerated there or at any restaurant.  They must be escorted by their husbands or other male family members.

I need to read the first third of that book again.  I forget all of the challenges of day-to-day living she addresses there.  They're quite numerous.

[Uboa]

As of now, I have many things going for me and I feel happy and fortunate to be alive.

Good!

[ZaichikArky]

I've been to a lot of therapy since then, because I'm lucky enough to have not only access to therapy and hospitals for the physical repercussions of what happened, but money to pay for it.  I'm still in therapy now.

The therapy has helped (some therapists more than others), and I'm able to live a pretty "normal" life.  That being said, everything has left its mark.  I have a severe form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and I have to take anti-anxiety (almost sedative, really) pills to prevent me from having bad flashbacks.  I have depression and I've struggled a lot with suicidal thoughts / suicide, self-injury, and eating issues.  I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in early 2006 after I had a heart attack brought on by the eating disorder.  I have major trust issues, a complete lack of sexual appetite (which sucks for my boyfriend...but he's probably the most patient and kind-hearted person I've ever met), and very, very low self-esteem.  I still have problems thinking of myself as human or as undeserving of what happened.  I still feel very controlled by 'him'.  I still think and feel that a lot of what 'he' said about me or to me was right.

But taking everything into consideration, I could be dealing with a lot worse.  I won't lie--living is very difficult.  It is hard for me to keep pressing on.  To be absolutely blunt, I think about killing myself very often.  But I haven't attempted suicide in over a year and a half.  As of now, I have many things going for me and I feel happy and fortunate to be alive.

Jeez. It really is terrible what you experienced, but it is good that you got away from it all. How long were you involved with it? It's good that you're involved with a caring relationship. Despite how often I want to break up with my bf (it's issues due to a 5 year long distance relationship that seems to be headed into being long distance forever), he is a very nice person and he makes me want to feel better about myself too. The important thing is that you are overall happy with how things are going in your life and to try to be as positive as possible about your future : ).

I'm glad that you share your story too. I have a lot of problems sharing my problems with anyone. I am generally one of those people who hates whining to others about personal issues (none as serious as yours) and my bf always insists on pestering me about when I feel down about something. I do whine a lot, it seems, especially online, but it's usually something like "I'm so fat and I feel depressed about that!" or "My dad is being patronizing to me again D:!!" Yeah, I seem to be going off on some weird tangent again (which I also have trouble with). So anyway, thank you again for sharing your experience. It is something I can hardly even imagine. You are very strong for surviving it.

[Temporal Knight]

That story...I almost cried. No joke. I am a man of tears.

*sobs*

Such heart-wrenching.....such.....

*salutes*

[FaustWolf]

According to a Huffington Post columnist, women the world over are less happy nowadays than at the start of the Second Wave feminist movement in the US (note that Second Wave feminism probably still hasn't touched a good portion of the countries surveyed):
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcus-buckingham/whats-happening-to-womens_b_289511.html

I find it suspect that the blog author is using this opportunity to plug his book, but just look at how sexism is twisting the report to reassert itself in the comments following the article.

Ladies, do you think he has a point, or is he completely off base? If times seem unhappier for women on average, why is this so?

[ZaichikArky]

^ That is a very interesting article. I kind of like how the author gives all the statistics and pretty much refrains from conjuring why women are less happy. The part about girls being happy when they're younger and less happy when they're older makes me sad because the last thing I want to do is to go back to suffering depression. It is not fun >_>;.

I have a theory as to why women are less happy as they're older. It's been said before, but I really think that having a family is very stressful for the woman. Even though there have been some changes, it is very difficult for a woman to establish a career and raise a family. My mom did both, and my mom is a workaholic, but she only had me. For the longest time, and still, establishing a career for myself is more important than raising a family. I think I may have mentioned this before, but my mom had me at my exact age right now, and I'm kind of sad because I don't think I'll have a kid for quite a while and I really, really don't want to wait till at least my mid 30s like a lot of women do in America : (. I've always wanted to be a younger parent like my mom honestly because I want to get child rearing out of the way so I can relax more later on in life rather than being in my 60s and still paying for my kid. I pretty much want to have a child as soon as I have a year or so of career-based work experience. Life doesn't always go according to plan, though!

Yeah anyway, so what I was saying, and what I believe the author of the "Feminine Mystique" was saying is that women become depressed because they are basically forced to chose their children over their careers(at least that was one thing she was saying). This has been improving, with many mothers being in the work place these days. However, if you look at the statistics of "pink collar" jobs to career women, there is still a major discrepancy. I get stressed out very easily about my work and I have no idea how I can manage raising a kid and working full time, but that is something that I will do in one way or another. I hear these statistics that kids end up developing better if the mother raises them, but I hope it won't be the same in my case. I don't think that I have psychological problems due to having a working mom. She had a very difficult childhood and she was the best mother she could be to me and I do appreciate everything she has done, and continues to do. She far exceeded her mom, from what I hear. Still, I sometimes wonder if I will turn out differently. Whether I will end up raising my kids for several years and not work, or whether I'll try to do a part time job.. I dunno.

 Ever since I entered uni, my one goal has been to make a career for myself in one way or another, and making a career for myself that I enjoy. My dad says that this is of utmost importance, and he has stressed this for me, despite disapproving of the pay that archivists make and not understanding what archivists, or librarians for that matter, really do.