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Play this over the intro to give yourself an introductory feel of the episode.
NARRATOR: Now for the story of seven people from different eras, all living under one roof. Most of them have magic, but they still manage to screw up and get on each others' nerves.
It’s “The Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
EPISODE TEN: Magus' Foil, Disastrous Duo, and Crono Houdini INT. EPOCH - NIGHTMagus, Marle, and Lucca occupy the Epoch as it flies out towards the super max prison in the country side. Lucca pilots the Epoch while everyone remains silent.NARRATOR: Magus had decided to tag along with Marle and Lucca in their carefully coordinated attempt to break Crono out of the prison he wasn’t in.
The ride there was the fun-filled equivalent of driving a hearse. Until…
MARLE: Okay, Magus. What’s the deal?
MAGUS: What are you talking about?
MARLE: You, wanting to come along to break out Crono and Robo on such short notice? I don’t buy it.
MAGUS: What’s there to buy? I came along because I wanted to help out.
NARRATOR: Lucca, being naturally curious and naturally skeptical, did a little detective work.
LUCCA: You wanna use your shadow magic on the guards, don’t you?
MAGUS: It’s a max security prison. Trust me; they’ll be armed.
MARLE: Um… yeah, we just need to stun them, not annihilate them.
MAGUS: Well, we can always cross our fingers that they feel the same way.
NARRATOR: Regardless of his sarcasm, it was the truth; the guards didn’t feel the same way.
CUT TO: A montage of guards patrolling the different cell blocks of a max security prison. They holster stun guns, tasers, sting grenades, and semi-automatic rifles.NARRATOR: All the guards at the super max prison were trained to use lethal force in the case of an escaping convict.
CUT TO: A screening of The Shawshank Redemption using numerous televisions. The screening is attended by new guards who are strapped down to their chairs and their eyes kept open using speculums. The new guards scream as doctors drip water into their eyes.NARRATOR: This was the result of having every new guard hired to watch
The Fugitive using the Ludivico Technique, a fictional conditioning method used in
A Clockwork Orange, the warden’s favorite film. Unfortunately, the method subconsciously expanded to unwelcome guests.
BACK TO: The EpochMAGUS: I’m just giving you a heads-up.
MARLE: Maybe Magus has a point, Lucca. We’re already this prepared for the plan.
LUCCA: Not unless our very existence is at stake and they’re pointing M-80s at us, and even then, we use our magic conservatively. We all understand?
NARRATOR: This was ironic, seeing how Lucca was very liberal-minded.
MAGUS: Don’t forget deer-hunting rifles… and stinger grenades. They’ll have those, too.
MARLE: We still got ten miles to go, Lucca. Maybe you’ll change your mind before then.
LUCCA: (to herself) Fat chance.
NARRATOR: I agree.
The Epoch continues towards the super max prison. Suddenly, an overhead Boeing 747 flies within feet of the Epoch. Lucca executes a dropping barrel roll to avoid a collision. Everyone on board screams as the Epoch clears the plane and levels out.NARRATOR: As the disagreeing trio were barely avoiding a disaster…
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS NARRATOR: … a certain duo was about to engage in one.
Frog watches a rerun of a History Channel special on medieval knights. The program depicts a knight holding a bloody sword over his head after slaying his opponent in jousting.FROG: (Frustrated) ‘Tis billycock! What cause doth a knight carry to slay for sport? Why doth death’s pale flag wave for these-these… charlatans to flex beneath? ‘Tis a macabre existence to embrace.
NARRATOR: And yet, Frog did not feel a twinge of irony in his words.
CUT TO: Frog slaying a Mystic and doing his victory pose along with the others.BACK TO: FROGAs Frog continues watching the dramatization of knights slaying their victims, the TV appears to morph into a Mystic. Frog’s eyes fill up with passionate rage. He picks up his Masamune and unsheathes it. He holds his sword above his head and stares at the TV.Frog lets out a battle cry and performs Slurp Cut on the TV. It breaks clean in half and ceases to function altogether. He shuts his eyes and returns his Masamune to its scabbard.NARRATOR: In a brief lapse of sanity, Frog destroyed the group’s only means of not going insane, even though it was insanity that caused him to do it in the first place.
Frog opens his eyes and gasps at what he had done. He runs up to the TV and tries to put it back together, but to no avail.FROG: No! What ill fate caused mine self to react as such?
NARRATOR: It wasn’t fate, but years of conditioning as a knight under Cyrus’ tutelage culminating into a severe hallucination similar to PTSD. As if by coincidence, Cyrus used the Ludivico Technique on Glenn.
Ayla enters the living room eating a mutton.AYLA: (Mouth full of food) What green man scream about?
Ayla sees the broken TV and gasps. She drops her mutton and vaults over the couch and lands next to Frog. She begins to tear up.AYLA: Green man break all-seeing stone slab. Ayla love stone slab, but you break it.
FROG: Twas mitigating circumstances, I declare.
NARRATOR: It wasn’t.
AYLA: (Wipes her eyes) Green man find way to make things right! Fix stone slab!
FROG: Now, now, Ayla, thou knowest I canst perform such repair. We needs be to summon an expert to replace this device. But first, how shalt we dispose of it since its time has hastily expired?
Ayla stares at the broken TV, then at the window of their apartment. She repeats this action.CUT TO: Outside the ApartmentThe two halves of the broken TV smashes through the window of the team’s apartment in a shower of glass and circuit boards. The two halves land on the roof of a smaller building across the street.BACK TO: Inside the ApartmentAyla smacks her hands together. Both Ayla and Frog perform their respective victory poses.NARRATOR: While Ayla and Frog celebrated a victory that was actually a failure…
INT. THE “SPECIAL” CELL – MEANWHILECrono sits against the cell wall, exhausted still in his straight-jacket. Robo is out cold due to his restrainer bolt.NARRATOR: … Crono was failing to obtain a victory, but his luck was about to change.
CRONO: (to himself) Come on, Crono. You got the slack in and faked it. The guards bought it, and now they’re gone. Round Two!
Pressing his back to the wall, Crono works his way to standing up. Once standing, he works on popping his arms over his head. After several tries, he succeeds.
He then works on extracting his right arm from his sleeve and inching it down to the pelvic strap. After ten minutes, he succeeds at unbuckling it. Crono finally works on extracting his other arm from its sleeve and pulling his head down into the jacket.Half an hour later, he succeeds at escaping his straightjacket. He stomps on it, and he and Robo do their respective victory poses.CRONO: (Turns around) What the—? Robo, how long have you been up?
NARRATOR: Good question.
ROBO: For about the last five minutes of your brilliant escape. The restraining bolt actually induced a cold shut down in my systems. When I woke up, all foreign subsequences and lines of coding in my systems were erased.
CRONO: That’s great! Now, how do we get out of here?
ROBO: We wait until the Supervisor examines our good behavior over the next—
CRONO: Screw the waiting! I mean, how are we gonna bust out of this cell?
ROBO: I apologize, Crono, but such an act of defiance is against my ethics coding.
Crono face palms, leaves a mark on his forehead.ROBO: The exception being if we were being attacked by hostile forces…
Outside, the sound of light footfall comes from outside of their cell. A few clicks and their cell door opens. A group of guards enter with tasers and batons in hand.CRONO: Bring it on, ‘cause I’m pissed off!
* * * * * *
NARRATOR: On the next “The Real World – Chrono Trigger…”
INT. CHARACTER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM - MEANWHILE An old woman in green facial packing, gown, and curlers lays into Ayla and Frog. Two policemen stand behind her with their arms folded.NARRATOR: Ayla and Frog get a taste of their landlady’s wrath…
LAND LADY: You better have a deposit on that TV, or else I’m kicking you and your weirdo spell-casting friends out!
FIRST OFFICER: She’s right. Property destruction can justify it.
AYLA: (stares, then…) Green Lady take Dream Stone?
Ayla holds a soft-ball sized quantity of Dream Stone up to the landlady.Frog face palms. He reaches into his belt and extracts a wallet thick with C-notes.FROG: Thank the Entity for emergency currency.
INT. EPOCH – MEANWHILE The Epoch flies over a foothill range. The super max prison comes within sight, walls and all.NARRATOR: … the trio arrive at their destination…
LUCCA: Yes! We’re finally there!
MAGUS: Darn, and I was hoping you’d change your mind. Oh, well. Point me to the nearest guard tower and I’ll get started without you.
LUCCA: Fat chance, Magus, now sit tight as I get over to this roof.
Marle face palms, leaves a mark on her forehead.NARRATOR: And a running gag is born.
* * * * * * END OF EPISODE TEN. TO BE CONTINUED… (I HOPE)
