It is getting to be that time of the year,
when firewood is crackling and happy seasons will be here.
In the spirit of the festivities I present to you now,
a little tale of Square Enix and regarding their stealing of Christmas, the how.
You might think it is short, or belongs in another sub-forum,
But that was intentional, and it's not really a proper submission.
So I hope this little tale might bring a smile to your face,
Even though I'm fairly sure my rhymes and meter are a disgrace.
***
Every Fan Down in Fanville Liked Chrono a lot…
But the Enix, Who lived just north of Fanville, Did NOT!
The Enix hated Crimson Echoes, the whole hacking treason!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be their head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that their shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that their business model was epic fail.
Whatever the reason, their model or their shoes,
They stood there on Crimson Eve, hating the Fans,
Staring down from their cave with a sour, Enixy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For they knew every Fan down in Fanville beneath,
Was busy now, download the latest emulator release.
“And they’re emailing their friends!” they snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Release Day! It’s practically here!”
Then they growled, with their Enix fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Crimson Echoes from coming!”
For Tomorrow, they knew, all the Fan girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early and rush for the downloadable toy!
And then! Oh, the joys! Oh, the joys!
Joys! Joys! Joys!
That’s one thing they hated! The JOYS!
JOYS! JOYS! JOYS!
Then the Fans, young and old, would sit down to gaming.
And they’d Game! And they’d Game! And they’d GAME!
GAME! GAME! GAME!
They would game with King-Zeal, and rave about an alien-beast.
Which was something the Enix couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN They’d do something they liked least of all!
Every Fan down in Fanville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Crimsons a’ Echoing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Fans would start praising!
They’d praise! And they’d praise! And they’d PRAISE!
PRAISE! PRAISE! PRAISE!
And the more the Enix thought of this Fan made King,
The more the Enix thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for fourteen years we’ve put up with it now!”
“We MUST stop this Crimsonness from coming! But HOW?”
Then they got an idea! An awful idea!
THE ENIX GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The ENIX laughed in their businessy halls.
And they made a quick screen name and hired some trolls.
And they chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Enixy trick!”
“With this name and this troll, we look just like a fan-like beatnik!”
“All we need is a legal standing …” The Enix looked around.
But, since evil laws are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Enix? No! The Enix simply said,
“If we can’t find a premise, we’ll make one instead!”
So they called the lackie, Bob. Then had him take some red ink,
And they told him to write a letter to make fan-hearts sink.
THEN they loaded the letter and some old crappy tricks
On a ramshackle email and they sent it “with love from Enix”
Then the Enix said, “send it out!” And the email started to roam,
Toward the places where the Fans Lay asnooze in their homes.
All their computers were dark. Quiet rain filled the air.
All the Fans were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When Enix came to the first little project on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the old Enixy laws hissed,
And they downloaded the patch and shook their fist
Then they played the game for quite a while
But found that if a prophet could do this with guile
Perhaps others might hack a rom or two.
Then they stuck their head out into the compendium’s forumy zoo.
Where the little hacking threads all listed in a row.
“These threads,” they grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then they slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole forum, and they took every project apparent!
Lucca’s guns! And jet-bikes! Magus mods! Aylas!
Seven-letter mods! Eighth Character Hacks! And hentai Aylas!
And they stuffed them in bags. Then the Enix, very nimbly,
Threatened all the hacker on little more than mere whimsy!
Then they slunk to the beta-box. They took the Fans’ feast!
They took the Zeal-King! He took the alien beast!
They cleaned out the Prophet’s Guile as quick as a flash.
Why, that Enix even took the last episode of a Chrono-flash!
Then they shut down all the forums with Enixy glee.
“And NOW!” grinned the Enix, “I will shut down the final release!”
And the Enix threatened the modders, and they started to shove,
When they heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
They turned around fast, and he saw a small Fan!
Little Agent 12 Fan, who was not more than a man.
The Enix had been caught by this tiny Fan pater,
Who’d called them on the phone to discuss the matter.
He stared at the Enix and said, “Square Enix, why,”
“Why are you taking our Echoes Release? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Enix was so evil and so slick,
They thought up no excuse, certainly not quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the tricky Square Enix said,
“Though this is not harming us at all, you have to get in in your head,
We hate you.”
