And, lest it be forgotten, tushantin's comment about directing this kind of conduct specifically at females is totally unacceptable.
"Ooh, I'm scared of flirting with people because I worry it might be sexist." #FirstWorldProblems
To be frank, I've seen a going trend here: between urban and rural lifestyle, the latter tend to have higher tolerance level and bonding compared to urban folks because they have no rules of "civility". Instead, even signs of disrespectful dominance (unless it's outrageously offensive) is considered to be a sign of informal friendship and is almost always mutual and playful. In urban areas on the other hand, play a simply, innocent joke and it's suddenly a big deal. Which is where us Modernists come in, who try to blend the best of both worlds.
As for sexism, it's not like I'm offending are hurting a woman (harming
any woman is against my ethos). My practical jokes are a means of communication provided the girls are capable of catching on (otherwise I take the hint and stop), and I enjoy communicating with women. It's a means of making them smile, because when they're happy I'm also happy. Or is it that you refuse to acknowledge that "Heterosexuals" exist?
It takes a certain level of good judgment to discern whether one's pranks and practical jokes will be as well-received as one imagines they will be.
I won't argue with this one. That's precisely correct. But did you ever think about "measuring" the disruptive nature of your prank?
I am particularly wary of justifications which amount to "you're too serious." Those are almost always dead giveaways that the person doing the joking is unaware of the consequences of their behavior.
When some say "you're too serious" indeed there is some ignorance in their behalf. When I say the same, I mean exactly as I say it: You're just being too serious.
Awareness and responsibility will go a long way here.
I don't mean to be rude, Josh, but I've noticed something incredibly interesting here: the First World civilization indeed has incredibly low tolerant attitude towards anything and everything, in which case if an element seems even "slightly" harmful then, according to America, it ought to be eradicated. But that attitude backfires and destroys levels of social tolerance, empathy and self-awareness.
Okay, why did I say "self-awareness" there? Because I was trying to imply that a lot of things are good when they're in moderate use. Even pranks are great from time to time. It's not about perishing the thought entirely, but about knowing limitations. It's about knowing
when you've gone too far! Which is why my pranks and shenanigans tend to be psychological, minimal, and rewarding (yes, rewarding). Knowing ones' limitations and weaknesses is crucial in social and professional life because it gives us the ability to deal with it rather than try escaping from it (it's impossible to escape from it), and also offers means of caution.
In my own cultural experience, practical jokes have never been a means of empathetic communication; whenever a "friendship" involved one person pulling a chair out from underneath another, it was abusive and better abandoned in my case. So I definitely identify with J's concern here, and view it as well worth raising.
See, this is why I tried to distinguish between "playfulness" (sharaarat) and "disruptiveness" (shaitani). Somehow a lot of developed countries are unaware of the differences between the two. However, I also realize that the word "prank" has a negative connotation, even though the Hindi equivalent is positive. I've also created my own level of distinguishable understanding that I cannot seem to explain because of lack of English words. For instance, your idea of "prank" is to pull a chair out from beneath someone, but I recognize it as "vengeance", something you'd like to use when challenging your rival in climbing social hierarchy and showing them their place, something I despise.
My idea of "prank" is to temporarily infuriate someone to chase you enough until you can reveal motive behind your actions and reward them. The reward could be physical, materialistic, verbal, visual, or anything that can bring a smile to their face. This inevitably promotes tolerance
and empathy, but the catch is that you do it
intimately, not in front of larger groups -- your goal isn't to embarrass your target. I can explain the psychology of it later (don't have much time right now).
In the end, tushantin, it couldn't hurt to ask whether the episodes you descirbe bother these people on some level, or whether they truly relish in it as you do. Get a cultural conversation going when the opportunity arises -- this is obviously an important part of your day if it inspired you enough to write a post about it, and maybe the others reflect on this phenomenon as powerfully as you do. A conversation on a subject that's apparently implicity understood may be blunt and embarrassing, but perhaps this, too, is part of pursuing your ideal of absolute honesty in human relations.
Yeah! We could converse about this some time in length if you're interested. In brief, I can say this: Have you seen playful rituals in animals and pigeons, and how it fosters social relations? Practical jokes serve the same purpose here, because they're mostly physical and not verbal (hint: do it sparingly, and be unpredictable).
They do relish it! Everyone desires to be "happy" once in a while but many simply don't have the idea where to search for it. If I have that happiness already, why shouldn't I share it with someone else? When you're intimate with your close friends, and not in public or large groups, there's less of the danger in undermining someone's social respect; things can be weird here too, but it works two ways -- there's a subliminal effect that they know that
you know them well, and that you're comfortable with who they are fosters better relations, in which case any temporary embarrassment is relieved. The objective is to have
fun in the excitement, and take advantage of the thrill of the moment. Emotions are complex: when you reward them for chasing after you they hate you for making them hate you, but they love you for it anyway, and when there aren't any rewards they'd get back to you with a prank of their own. I then purposely build defenses saying "real men don't surrender", which entices them to strengthen their ropes in pulling the trap until I scream "I surrender! Oh, please, I surrender!" Yeah, they laugh at me, but it's a laugh nonetheless, and I'm glad for it. But for those who aren't as active in the art of prank, or those who are introverts, minimal pranks are quite rewarding in order to encourage them to participate in social events, and they appreciate your efforts for it; they even enjoy opening up and hanging around. Because every friend matters. It builds a strong community: gone are the days where you make friends discussing "what movie did you watch yesterday", but today we know each other via
communication, to know people for who they are, to listen to their dreams, to support them, and to
have fun with them. It brings me great happiness when I'm able to help someone or make them smile.
Yeah, there are times when it bothers them, and when it does I tend to notice and stop. I'm good at reading body language (unless someone's a master of Poker Face) and can generally know what prank will work when, and if the person really is down then I dismiss the idea and simply try to establish a verbal communication. The thing about pranks is that you need to know
when it's not important, and how for you go with it. The only reason I rely on Practical Jokes is because I'm a mook when it comes to verbal communications. I like to
show people rather than explain it to them, because I do more damage talking rather than embracing a friend.
FaustWolf, you remember reading my novel manuscript, don't you? You know the disruptive nature and annoyance factor of the protagonist in there, and you can probably predict where that will head, but it's his best friend that realizes the protagonists' intentions and helps him turn into something amazing. The story depends on human relations, where the protagonist eventually turns into a person who touches people's hearts through his shenanigans and becomes a catalyst for humanity itself. My goals are the same, and empathy and absolute truth is the driving point here. I want to help foster human relations the right way, I
don't want any person left out because of his/her differences, and yes, it does inspire me. Frankly, to hell with formality.
