"Project Unity" - Chrono Trigger: Episode I Chapters 1 - 4

[Lennis]

It's time.

After working up the courage to try my hand at Chrono Trigger fan-fiction 14 months ago, I am finally ready to introduce the opening chapters of "Project Unity" to the community at large.  This is my attempt to both retell the story of Chrono Trigger and establish what happens after the conclusion of Chrono Cross.  It is in every way meant to tell the complete story of Crono Lantree, Lucca Ashtear, and Nadia Guardia from beginning to end.  For this reason, I have decided not to give it the name of a true sequel, such as "Chrono Break", but rather as an episodic series with a definitive beginning, middle, and end.  "Chrono Trigger" seemed the most appropriate title for the story, and it will be split up into four full-length novels, or "episodes".

Here are the first four chapters of Episode I.  They are named chapters that will not necessarily follow the names of the chapters in the original game.  (Hopefully they will upload.  I've never submitted files here before.)

Discussion is more than welcome, just don't ask me how I intend to resolve things.  I want that to be a complete surprise.

[chi_z]

this is good shit and you are an excellent writer, though I can't offer much in the way of constructive criticism because I'm not so much of a writer me self......but from a layman's perspective, this definitely captures the atmosphere of kato and gang's work in the series, which to me is the most important thing to get down. I'm a musician and in music when you make a remix or variation on someone else's work, that's one of the most important aspects, still keeping the original creator's mood and intent in mind.

 your visual imagery or w/e it's called is very good, I feel like I'm WATCHING a chrono anime rather than reading a fanfic. this is definitely on par with the CT novel project. I haven't read every last page yet, my time is very limited, but I plan to do so. Should hopefully get the chance come christmas break (damn the college schedule!)

[Lennis]

Glad you liked the chapters, chi.  Being faithful to the source material while putting my own spin on the world of Chrono has been a challenging experience.  Hopefully you'll find the time to give me a fuller critique in the near future.  I'm eager for feedback.

To the community at large, though, I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed at the lack of activity on this thread - and on the Dream Splash in general.  To have 70+ people read the thread and have only three people actually download the chapters makes me sad.  Granted, my work is too long to put in the space of a typical forum posting, but I didn't think putting in links to PDFs - as opposed to a huge wall of text - would turn out to be a detriment to feedback.  In fact, I chose PDF format to make everything easier to read.

I don't mean to ruffle any feathers here, I was just hoping for a little more feedback now that it's September.  I'd like to know what people think before starting the next phase of this project.

[CamrocG]

Well, I thought this was excellent. This definitely has the potential to be something big. Now if only we could buy the rights from Square, or something. Then you could get this published.

[TheMage]

Simply amazing, is all I have to say! I am in love with this story. The way Chrono and Lucca met is down right adoreable and  poor Lucca, I didnt  realize it was her the children called 'big eyes' until literally a moment before she mentioned her parents.

As for the writing itself, its supreme. I can't find any spelling mistakes, or akward lines that don't flow. You truly have a gift with writing.

As for the lack of replies, I think a lot of members don't participate in Dream Splash or at least, there not very good at responding. If you post this story in the fanfiction center, you might get more replies.

http://www.chronocompendium.com/Forums/index.php/board,13.0.html


Anyway I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and do hope you'll continue

[Lennis]

Thanks for the kind words.  And I certainly will continue the story at some point in the future.  I have a number of scenes throughout the story that have already been developed to some degree.  It's just a question of putting everything into full narrative and reciting the prose to myself over and over until I'm happy with it.

When the Dream Splash is over, I'll be reposting these chapters on the fan-fiction thread.

[Mr Bekkler]

I really admire what you've done here, because you have captured that Chrono Trigger feeling while extending the universe quite a bit. I've been reading with CT music remixes and stuff in the background and could easily see this translate into a cartoon series, an episode per chapter. It's been delightful.

[Lennis]

Heh.  I'm probably writing these listening to the same tracks you are.     Thanks for the critique.

[nommet]

Hey, I registered just so I could read this! I don't often read fanfics, but I just finished Chrono Trigger a second or third time (before that, CC for the first time) and I'm not ready to leave that universe just yet. So I gave this a shot, and the first chapter hooked me immediately. I've just now finished the second. You don't know what this is doing for me. I could give any amount of critique (not a great deal, as the writing is very very good), but for now it'll suffice for me to tell you how much you've engaged my imagination. It's a whole lot. Loving it to death, and I look forward to reading the rest, however much there may be.

edit: I was led to the chapters 6-9 thread by scrolling through the news page, btw.

[Lennis]

I really appreciate the critique.  Any critique.  It's sometimes hard for me to get noticed since my work doesn't really fit into the category of traditional fan-fiction.  It's a full-blown novel in progress, and the scope of this project can be off-putting for those expecting a quick read.

To this point, there are 13 finished chapters.  (Which now includes a stand-alone Telepod scene as the new Chapter 3 - pushing the others one number higher)  These represent the first "act" of Chrono Trigger; everything from the Millennial Fair to the moment when Crono, Marle, and Lucca return from their first adventure in the middle-ages.  You can find them in the fan-fiction thread.

I may be condensing the existing material into a single thread in the near future, as the earlier chapters are two years out-of-date and could do with some revision.

[Mr Bekkler]

I'd recommend releasing all existing chapters in one file, be it Google Docs, PDF, MS Word, Open Office, or whatever format you choose. Personally, I find it easier to read and don't mind the length, and I bet you'd get more feedback without all the pieces spread out.