CRONO: It’s the same show with a new twist.
MARLE: Seven people living under one roof.
LUCCA: Getting to know each other better.
FROG: Privy to their flaws and faults.
ROBO: Tolerating their illogical actions.
MAGUS: Wishing they could get a moment’s peace.
AYLA: This “Real World – Chrono Trigger.”
Episode 3 – Team Budget Crisis, Robo’s Upgrade, and Ayla’s Underwear Part 3
MARLE (Interview): So we’re officially out of money and we’re only halfway through the month. I can only guess why and how we lost it all so quickly.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Everyone assembles and takes a random seat, except Magus who decides to remain standing. Marle stands before the others with a flip chart titled “Money Waste: Who’s to Blame?”
FROG: From what occasion doth this assembly form?
MARLE: Good question, Frog. We’re here... because we’re broke.
An array of doubt and disbelief murmur amongst the group, except Magus who keeps quiet.
MARLE: But wait a minute! I’ve been crunching the numbers and I think I might know where the money was mostly spent.
ROBO: I object to your passive voice. I can “crunch numbers” more impartially than any human in this room can, and I can conclude, with the most accuracy, which human spend the most money.
LUCCA: Robo, I am sick to Porre with you calling us human as if you don’t have a soul.
ROBO: Your objection does not compute, Lucca. Are you perhaps appealing to my prejudices instead of my artificial intelligence?
MARLE: Stay on topic, everyone!
LUCCA: (under her breath) Key word “artificial”.
MARLE: After crunching the numbers, I finally know who’s responsible. Would anyone like to confess to his or her impulse buying?
CRONO: Well, it can’t be Ayla. She’s got more into “impulse” than “buying”.
Ayla, being seated next to Crono, delivers a swift punch to Crono’s shoulder.
CRONO: (Rubs his shoulder) See what I mean?
AYLA: Ayla know how money work. Ayla also know how money make brain melt.
CRONO: For the last time, I didn’t steal your stupid underwear!
High beeps and boops emanate nearby. Lucca, sitting across from Crono, holds up her machine.
LUCCA: Sorry, Ayla. He’s telling the truth.
Crono advances toward Lucca as he pulls out his katana.
CRONO: Put that retarded machine away before I break it!
MARLE: Hey, no weapons!
LUCCA: Fine with me!
Lucca puts down her machine and whips out her index finger. In response, Crono throws his katana off to the side and raises his entire right hand.
The others stand up and protests something about “using magic in the house”... except Magus who just stands there and says nothing.
LUCCA (Interview): What can I say? The meeting was a disaster. Hey, at least I didn’t set the living room on fire. Best part is nobody knows where our team’s monthly budget money went.
ROBO (Interview): Lucca spent it all on funding her illogical device. Human behavior never ceases to amaze me.
INT. ROBO’S ROOM – LATER
Robo sits on the ground as if in hibernate mode. He has a coaxial cable connected to his neck. The cable runs to a wireless hub router with antennae sticking out.
The lights on the router flicker as if Robo is downloading something.
Magus quietly enters the room, staring at Robo. He pulls out his sickle, makes some small gestures, mutters some words in Zealian, stops, and exits the room.
MAGUS (Interview): Sad as it is to say, the robot is the only one I can relate to in this forsaken household. I mean, not just because he can mimic shadow magic with his lasers. I mean it as he’s as smart as I am... maybe even smarter.
INTERVIEWER: What spell did you cast on him?
MAGUS (Interview): I gave him the ability to understand human behavior...for what it’s worth.
ROBO (Interview): I was actually downloading some episodes of “Battlestar Galactica” from Demonoid. However, for some unexplained reason, I now have a new string of coding in my hard drive. It reads like this:
----------------------------------------------------------
‘Robo understands human behavior v1
Sub HumanBehavior_Comprehend
BehaviorUnderstood(1)
If(State.Understood = True) Then
Set LastHumanBehavior = save
If(State.Understood = False) Then
Set LastHumanBehavior = delete
End If
End Sub
----------------------------------------------------------
ROBO (Interview): I don’t know how this code string got past my firewall, but I just might give it a trial run and see how it functions.
EXT. ROOFTOP – THE NEXT DAY
The household is a split-level duplex, the likes of which stands ten stories high.
Crono is out training with a bamboo sword, working up a sweat.
CRONO (Interview): Sometimes, the best way to unwind is through training. You can put all your anger into using your weapon against an invisible enemy. Who knows? You might even find a real enemy to strike.
Crono keeps swinging his bamboo sword, then spots a pigeon about ten feet away. He performs the Cyclone technique at the pigeon and knocks it off the building. Feathers trail behind it.
Crono chuckles and tosses down his bamboo sword, wiping his hands afterwards.
CRONO: (To himself) Cool. Now for my real sword.
Crono reaches for his katana, but only feels his scabbard. He scans around the rooftop.
CRONO: (To the camera man) Where’s my katana?
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Crono’s sword is sticking out of the subwoofer of the Home Entertainment Center. The side of cracked and Ayla’s spare skin is protruding out in a bundle.
A hand reaches out and picks it up. It’s Ayla! She smiles and cuddles her spare skin.
She looks over at the katana, bends down, and sniffs the handle like a dog. She frowns.
AYLA (Interview): Crono dead.
* * * * * *
End of Episode 3. To be continued... (I hope)
