Chrono Trigger: Episode I Chapters 6 - 9 + new chapter 3

[Lennis]

Greetings Compendiumites.  I apologize for my lengthy hiatus.  Work on my Chrono Trigger novel series has been ongoing and it's time to release an update and describe the current state of the project.

After much consideration, I decided that Chapter 2: A Mysterious Girl was much too long and split it in two.  The telepod scene is now its own standalone chapter and is the new Chapter 3.  I added a brief new introduction where Crono and Marle are enjoying each other's company just before coming to Ranlan Pavilion to witness Lucca's presentation.  I also made numerous minor tweaks to make it read a bit better than the previous version.

Note that this will push the subsequent chapters one number higher.  The old Chapter 3 is now Chapter 4 and the old Chapter 4 is now Chapter 5.  I have no plans to re-release those chapters at this time since they are otherwise unchanged, but I will do so if enough people ask.

(Since there seems to be a four-attachment limit for each post, I will submit the four new chapters in the following post.  Please pardon the double-post.) 

[Lennis]

And here are the four new chapters.  I am very eager for feedback since I approach the events of the middle-ages a bit differently from canon.  Chapters 7 and 8 also present things from different characters perspectives, including one you might not expect.

[FaustWolf]

I've only had a quick peek at it so far Lennis, but damn -- I can already tell this is something worth the effort you've put into it. Do you feel this exercise is helping you grow as a writer? There's nothing like a huge project to help you develop and sharpen your mad skillz.

It looks like your viewpoints are distributed among main characters? How many viewpoints do you think you'll end up with?

For others' convenience, here's a link to what I think are your first chapters, written during last year's Dream Splash?

[tushantin]

  Readers rejoice! Sir Crono is reborn!

I say, I do say, us writers at the Compendium, shouldn't we collaborate together to help this project finish? We could split viewpoints per person and could use Google Docs. 

[Lennis]

I've only had a quick peek at it so far Lennis, but damn -- I can already tell this is something worth the effort you've put into it. Do you feel this exercise is helping you grow as a writer? There's nothing like a huge project to help you develop and sharpen your mad skillz.

It looks like your viewpoints are distributed among main characters? How many viewpoints do you think you'll end up with?

For others' convenience, here's a link to what I think are your first chapters, written during last year's Dream Splash?

Yes, I feel that I'm getting better at this and my confidence is growing weekly.  This set of chapters I feel are written better than the previous set.  At some point I will go back to them and make the quality more consistent, but for now my priority is to move forward.  Nine chapters does not a novel make.

On the subject of viewpoints, that was one of the reasons this project languished over the spring.  Halfway through Chapter 7 I realized I had no idea how to address Lucca's arrival at Guardia Castle.  Telling her story through Crono's perspective would not have worked well at all.  A wall of dialogue isn't a good way to handle exposition.  And, seeing that Chrono Trigger is a tale of three protagonists, it was time to get into the head of another.  Lucca saved me.  I will probably get into the heads of all of the major characters at some point, but I intend to focus on Crono, Marle, and Lucca.

Readers rejoice! Sir Crono is reborn!

I say, I do say, us writers at the Compendium, shouldn't we collaborate together to help this project finish? We could split viewpoints per person and could use Google Docs. 

While I appreciate the thought, I'm afraid this is something only I can do.  There are many surprises in store and I don't want to spoil them.  The Compendium can best help me by pointing out inconsistencies in the plot and things that need to be explained better.  Deviating from canon is inherently risky and I want people to tell me if things aren't working.

[tushantin]

While I appreciate the thought, I'm afraid this is something only I can do.  There are many surprises in store and I don't want to spoil them.  The Compendium can best help me by pointing out inconsistencies in the plot and things that need to be explained better.  Deviating from canon is inherently risky and I want people to tell me if things aren't working.

Very well, we respect your dream.  I may be busy these few months, but count me in to read and provide feedback on your work.

[Shagrath7]

I'm new around here, but as an old huge CT fan, i'll read your stories with pleasure.
Cheers, y'all.

 

[nommet]

Ahh, for some reason the links to attachments are no longer working anywhere! I get a big mess of text.

[Lennis]

It's the same with me, and the forum has been acting a bit strange in other ways, too.  I'll let Ramsus know.

[nommet]

In Chapter 6, "thee" is often used in the subject position of a phrase. However, the correct usage is that "thou" is subject and "thee" object. A work of fiction isn't forced to abide by history 100%, but "thee" in the subject position just sounds completely inelegant to me.

[FaustWolf]

Ooh! Ooh! I was just learning that while investigating Elizabethan English last night! Here are some links that may prove helpful to thee, Sir Lennis!

http://helenas.org/docs/Elizabethan_language.pdf
http://www.museangel.net/speak.html

Anyway, I'm really digging your treatment of the medieval era -- which is to say, many fans would complain bitterly at the liberties you've taken, but they're the kind of liberties that enrich this story far beyond what the game presented. The expanded encounter with Toma in the bar brings to the fore the sense of wonder that should, by all rights, be in a time travel story. The fact that he's a walking fortune cookie - and a memorable one IMHO - also made me squee with delight! I mean, holy crap, this *should* be like meeting Abe Lincoln.

Come to think of it, I've never seen a bad treatment of Toma wherever fan writers choose to explore him; he's one of those characters who just seems to lend himself to being really badass. It's got me thinking that studies of intrinsically interesting characters - just a scene or two - would make great short exercises for fan writers who are just starting out. This might be a great way of quickly learning what makes for an interesting dude or dudette, versus an uninteresting dude or dudette.

But the real surprise is the viewpoint you give to Yakra. You did this particularly effectively if I'm reading it right -- your reader knows that there's this subversive Mystic agent slinking through the halls of the castle, but your reader doesn't know it's the chancellor Crono was just walking around with a few paragraphs back! Well, the fact that we all already know the big plot points spoils it inherently, but it's still great handling. Again, I'm still giving the chapters a first scan right now, but if this is precisely what you were going for, I say your writer's instinct has hit a perfect note. Here, you're taking full advantage of your medium; this isn't something the writer could pull off as effectively in a screenplay. Awareness of medium might just be the most important skill a writer can have. And I totally just made that bit of advice up after seeing you do this.


I'm really fascinated by the parallels here with my own treatment of the medieval era, back when I was doing a "Chrono Break" script. The mad and inept king, the queen who's the rock that holds the kingdom together, even the temptation to rename Ozzie to something a little more...formidable. It's fascinating that we came up with similar threads and themes independently, when the source material really doesn't call for them at all. Things like this can only rub purists the wrong way -- but aren't they fun! It must point to the fact that we share many cultural elements, or were exposed to similar media, or something. It would be a really interesting exercise to go through and compare contemporary writers from different eras and look for the common threads.

[nommet]

Just some general thoughts, as I haven't given any yet:

I love the way the world of the game has been "stretched out," that is, given more detail, in ways that just completely make sense. Watching Crono and Marle during the Millenial Fair was an absolute joy to read. Also anything with Lucca. Lucca's my favorite here. Her nerdiness and subtle tomboyism is portrayed very well. In any case, all of the characters have been brought to life in a new way for me really exceptionally. I've done some small excited squealing of my own, especially imagining the possibility of many more chapters. Another example of things fitting is, as mentioned above, Yakra and his motives. The outlining of his motivations gives the world ever more life, and helps it to stand up as a quality narrative on its own terms.

The only thing I question is some of Crono and Marle's interactions upon meeting again in Queen Leene's bedroom in 600 A.D. Crono seems too ready to flirt here, whereas my favorite part of that moment in the video game is that Marle appreciated him for, like, treating her as a person, and not admiring her too readily (whether as the Princess Nadia or as an object of desire). He was appreciated for being a kind person, in other words. Granted, Crono was a silent protagonist, but it felt real to me. Here, Crono's tenderness seems a bit too forward and therefore hollow. His pulling her close and telling her the Millenial Fair was real was simply too corny a gesture. It was the first time their interactions didn't feel perfect. I'm not sure at this point if I would prefer a rewrite of the scene or just that line, but there you go. I hope it helps.

[nommet]

Goddamn, chapter 9 was so good. I love Crono's doubting Frog at first, and the characterization of each of them that such a scene allows. As I anticipate each event and then subsequently see it played out, I notice that you never make lazy work of anything. Instead of letting things happen simply, each narrative turn is an opportunity taken to add detail and meaning. To which I say bravo.

I may've been overcritical last post; certainly a romantic gesture wouldn't be ill-fitting at that point. My complaint wasn't that big a deal, and I could see it working as is. I just thought I'd mention it, however slight.

[Lennis]

Goddamn, chapter 9 was so good. I love Crono's doubting Frog at first, and the characterization of each of them that such a scene allows. As I anticipate each event and then subsequently see it played out, I notice that you never make lazy work of anything. Instead of letting things happen simply, each narrative turn is an opportunity taken to add detail and meaning. To which I say bravo.

I may've been overcritical last post; certainly a romantic gesture wouldn't be ill-fitting at that point. My complaint wasn't that big a deal, and I could see it working as is. I just thought I'd mention it, however slight.

Sorry for the late reply to your feedback.  Blame X-COM.    I really appreciate your taking the time to both read and to critique my story.  You don't need to apologize for nitpicking things you think need attention.  The author can't catch everything.  I'm guessing your issue with the Crono and Marle reunion in Chapter 7 was that Crono's embracing her near the end of that section felt too abrupt.  Looking back on it, I don't really get that impression.  Crono was both relieved at finding Marle, and a bit out of sorts seeing her again.  Crono+Marle is a love-at-first-sight story, and both of them have to deal with feelings they really haven't experienced before.  By the standards of the real world that we all live in (at least in America), this relationship would be considered rather fast and hard to accept, but in many ways Chrono Trigger is a fairy tale in which those little realities can be brushed aside without damaging the integrity of the story.  It would be different if Crono had kissed her at that moment.  Their relationship isn't at that level yet, nor should it be.  They're still trying to figure each other out.  (Perhaps conscious of moving their relationship forward too quickly, I made sure to generate some tension between them in Chapter 12.)

In Chapter 6, "thee" is often used in the subject position of a phrase. However, the correct usage is that "thou" is subject and "thee" object. A work of fiction isn't forced to abide by history 100%, but "thee" in the subject position just sounds completely inelegant to me.

I'll admit my technical understanding of the English language is a bit lacking, especially where Elizabethan English is concerned.  I don't think of the nuts and bolts of grammar as much as how a passage sounds and how it fits into a narrative.  In places where I used "thee" in the subject (in place of "you"), I did so because using "thou" in the same way sounded awkward to my ear, such as "Do thou, now?" or "Indeed thou shall."  I sounded out this dialogue many times before electing to use "thee" in place of "thou" in these instances.  I usually judge dialogue by ear rather than by what's strictly grammatically correct.  If these lines read badly regardless, then that is something I can change in a revision.  I'll be sure to peruse those links that FaustWolf kindly shared.  There is always room for improvement.

[alfadorredux]

In places where I used "thee" in the subject (in place of "you"), I did so because using "thou" in the same way sounded awkward to my ear, such as "Do thou, now?" or "Indeed thou shall."

If those sound awkward, it's probably because you've got the verbs wrong. They should be "Dost thou, now?" and "Indeed thou shalt." You can't just slap the modern second-person-plural forms on second-person-singular verbs—they were distinct.

Read FaustWolf's references and, if you have the time, spend a day or two with some texts from around that period (the easiest ones to find are plays and poetry by people like Shakespeare and Marlowe, and the King James bible). It really isn't as simple as just slapping "thou" in to replace "you".